


Soundtrack

by evekatalbas



Category: Pentatonix, Scomiche - Fandom, Superfruit, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Drama, Friendship, Love, M/M, PTX, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:30:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 39,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3312269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evekatalbas/pseuds/evekatalbas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a while since Mitch Grassi has been dateless on Valentine's day. He gets pretty desperate and in his drunken state tries to hook up with his ex-boyfriend. But when he wakes up the following morning, he finds himself in bed with his best friend, Scott Hoying.</p><p>Take a peek into Mitch's diary to find out what happened that night and how, in the weeks that followed, their relationship changes forever.<br/>---<br/>Each of the chapters' titles are named after PTX Volume III songs and the stories are inspired by the lyrics.<br/>---<br/>Stay ***flawless and #fcute, y'all! Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Problem (Part 1)

_**"I know I shouldn't ever call back or let you come back but it's you."** _

\---

**February 4. 8:00 PM.**

It's 10 days before Valentines. I still don't have a date and I hate it. I haven't been single in a long time and honestly, I've forgotten how it's like. Besides, this is my favorite time of the year (aside from my birthday, that is) and I have nobody. I've gotta make a plan. Hmmm.

Okay, so Plan A, look for a date. Tinder would be a good place to start, right? Or will people feel my desperation? Fuck, I really hate this. If that doesn't work, Plan B is... what? Movie marathon at home, on the couch, binge-eating ice cream. Or drowning myself in wine. That kinda sounds better than Plan A. Plan C is... Scott.

I hate Scott. I don't actually hate him like  _hate_  him. He's got Alex and he seems happy. He's been crazy the past few days, trying to think of the perfect date for Alex.

Now that I think about it, I hate Alex. Because he has Scott. And honestly I don't think Alex realizes how lucky he is.

Ten days. I have 10 days.

I am beginning to hate this holiday.

\---

**February 10. 10:00 PM.**

It's been almost a week and nothing. I am starting to feel desperate. I know it sounds stupid, but I'm a hopeless romantic and this is  _MY_  holiday. It doesn't help that everything around me seems to remind me of how happy this holiday could be, if only I had someone...

\---

**February 11. 11:30 PM.**

Two fucking days. I have gone through my contacts list five times. I'm still contemplating if I should text any one of them. I shouldn't... right?

\---

**February 12. 10:30 PM.**

I have a resolution. I will spend this holiday alone and I will enjoy myself. I will not depend on others to make this day a special day for me.

\---

**February 13. 11:00 PM.**

Holy shit, universe. Why are you making it so hard for me to keep my resolution? I got a message. From Travis. THE Travis. The you-gotta-choose-between-me-or-Scott Travis. Same Travis who broke my heart not too long ago. The Travis who I may not be completely over, I'm not entirely sure. And you know what his message said?  **"Hey, I miss you. Can we talk?"**

He missed me?  _HE MISSED ME?_  Why now?? Maybe he was drunk. After all I got that message pretty late. Should I reply?

Fuck this. I should stop writing and start drinking. Welcome Valentines drunk, instead of ending it drunk. 

I wonder where Scott is. We should drink together.

\---

**February 14. 10:00 AM.**

Happy Valentines Day to me.  _I love my life. I love being single. I'm happy like this._  Oooh, I'm making that my mantra!

Fuck Travis and his message. I shall celebrate this day.

\---

**February 14. 10:30 AM.**

So you know how I was drinking last night? And how people are generally stupid when they're drunk? I got pretty drunk and I did something stupid.

There should be an app or something so that drunk people can't send messages. I checked my phone. I sent a drunk text to Travis.  **"Heeeeeyyyyy. I mis u 2"**  That's what I sent him.

I wanna kill myself.

\---

**February 14. 3:00 PM.**

I'm writing an awful lot today. If you're reading this, you must be getting bored.  _Wait._  If you're reading this,  _WHO THE HELL ARE YOU_. Stop reading my diary.

Anyway, I'm a little sober now. That's why I have no excuse for what I just did. I called Travis. Like, I dialed his number but I put it down after 3 rings. Of course my name will show up on his missed calls list. He sent me a message after a couple of minutes, apologizing for not getting the call. He asked if I could see him tonight. I haven't replied.

\---

**February 14. 5:00 PM.**

I'm weak and I hate myself for it. I want to see Travis. I promise, just one night. You know, we were good together, before he gave me that ultimatum. I miss his kisses, his hugs... I miss him. Or the thought of him. Or maybe intimacy in general.

Valentines sucks. It's making me desperate and it's clouding my judgment! Or is it the alcohol?

In other news, I haven't seen Scott all day. He's probably painting the town red with Alex. At least one of us is getting lucky tonight. Maybe they're getting down at this very moment.  _Damn._

\---

**February 15. 12:00 PM.**

My head hurts.  _No surprise there._  My room is a mess.  _No surprise there, either._

But why the hell is Scott sleeping beside me? Where is Travis? Where is Alex?

I need ibuprofen.

\---

**February 15. 12:15 PM.**

Holy shit. Memories are coming back. Did that really just happen?


	2. Problem (Part 2)

_**"Every time you touch me and say you love me, I get a little bit breathless. I shouldn't want it. But it's you."** _

\---

**February 15. 12:45 PM.**

So I spent the last 15 minutes in the bathroom, emptying whatever I managed to eat or drink last night. I feel gross.

Scott's still sleeping. Was he more drunk than I was?

Just checked, he's still breathing. He's like a big bear, sprawled all over the bed like that. His bed. I'm still not functioning right. I literally just noticed that we are in his room, on his bed. And I am wearing his clothes. Why?

\---

**February 15. 1:30 PM.**

God, that shower felt great. My head's starting to clear now, too. My room looks untouched. Did I not go here at all?

So... Last night. I remember drinking a lot while deciding whether I should see Travis or not. I remember wanting to see Travis. I remember seeing Travis.  _Shit._

Checked my phone. I didn't send him any more messages. But I called him. The call log says we talked at 8:24 PM for 4 minutes, 30 seconds. That was pretty brief. Hmmm.

My phone is useless. I can't find any more clues.

 _Think, Mitch._  What kinds of stupid did you do last night aside from seeing Travis?

\---

**February 15. 3:00 PM.**

The food must be helping me remember things. Is food supposed to do that?

Oh, it's not the food. It's being in the kitchen that helped me remember. Travis was inside the apartment, sitting on the couch while I was getting wine from the fridge.

So I let him in, I gave him wine, and considering how hungover I am, I definitely had wine with him. I must've been pretty drunk to have called him in the first place, right?

Couch... Wine... Travis...

Fuck.

I should probably drink more. I just remembered and I don't like what I'm remembering.

And I think Scott is up.

\---

**February 15. 4:00 PM.**

Scott looks like hell. I probably would be, too, if I broke up with my boyfriend on Valentine's Day. See, I knew it. Alex was a jackass.

He's refusing to shower or eat and he doesn't want me in his room. I'll try again later.

But let's go back to Travis.

He was on the couch and I walked over to him, wine bottle in one hand, wine glasses on the other. I didn't say anything until after I've poured wine and offered him his glass. I sat beside him. We sipped our wine quietly. For how long, I don't know.

"I missed you, boo." It might not be the first thing we talked about but it's from that point on that I remember. 

I think I wanted to give a sarcastic or bitchy reply, but the alcohol had chosen to empower my desperation and thirst for intimacy. "I missed you, too, Trav."

"The past few months have been crazy hard without you, Mitch."

I fell silent. I didn't reply because I didn't share his sentiment. The breakup was hard on me, yes, but not crazy hard like he said it was on him. I loved Travis but we fought a lot, especially towards the end. It was actually kind of a relief when we broke up. No more drama. But when I told him I missed him, that was true. Sort of. We shared some really good times in the year and a half that we were together. We were great together when we weren't fighting. We shared a lot of interests. Plus, the sex was good. Like really, really good. That's probably one of the things I miss about being with him, to be honest.

I must have taken a lot of time thinking those thoughts because he took my silence as a cue and he started kissing me. He put one arm behind my neck and the other around my waist. It didn't feel like he was forcing himself on me. The kiss was soft, waiting, expecting. I was too stunned that I didn't do anything to either encourage or stop him. So he continued kissing me.

You know how I said the sex was good? Well, all the things leading to sex were good as well, such as the kissing. Maybe it was the alcohol, the longing for intimacy, the familiarity of being in his arms or a combination of the three that did it.

I wrapped both my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. I opened my mouth and let his tongue enter. We kissed until we were out of breath. Then it all went batshit crazy after that. Travis started kissing my neck while I was hungrily running my hands over his chest, down to his waist, smiling when I reached the waistband of his jeans. I wasn't thinking straight, obviously, so I also had a hard time removing his belt. It wasn't helping that Travis had moved his lips and tongue to my ears, nibbling on them.

It was at that moment Scott entered the apartment.

Crap. Speaking of Scott, I should probably check up on him first.


	3. Problem (Part 3)

**_"I let you go, I let you back. I finally learned my lesson."_   
**

\---

**February 15. 5:30 PM.**

I've managed to convince Scott to get a shower. He's still been sulking, though (who wouldn't be?), and still wouldn't talk to me. I'll try to win him over with ice cream later. And maybe a Family Guy marathon.

Where were we? Ah, yes, Scott entering the apartment.

You know what's funny? He came in so quietly that I didn't even notice. That plus the fact that I was in a drunken haze and busy making out with Travis. I wasn't sure how long he stood just a few feet away from the couch, mouth slightly hanging open, just... staring. He must have been pretty shocked. The only reason I even opened my eyes was to look at Travis' belt since I couldn't seem to get it off him.

"S- scott." I pushed Travis away from me. I honestly felt like a teenager again, caught doing something very wrong.Travis looked behind him and finally realized that we had company.

Scott looked like he was going to say something but decided against it. A few seconds later he said, "I'll be in my room." Then he started walking. Fast. It took him only a couple of strides before he reached his bedroom door.

"Wait, Scott!" I got up and tried to follow him but Travis gripped my forearm.

"Mitch, we were in the middle of something here." 

 _Hell yeah, we were._ "But it's too early for Scott to be home. Something must have happened. I'll be quick, I'll just check up on him."

"You're doing it again."

"What?"

"Choosing Scott over me. Whatever it is, can't it wait?"

That's when it hit me. I remembered why we broke up in the first place. He doesn't understand what Scott is to me. He doesn't understand that Scott is my  _best friend_. He doesn't understand that if Scott needs me, I'll be there for him. And he doesn't understand that I've been with Scott long enough to know when he needs me even when he doesn't say it. Despite my wine goggles, I was pretty sure Scott needed me at that moment.

"It can't. Actually, can you leave?" I forcefully pulled my arm away from his grip. 

"Seriously? You've got to be fucking kidding me." Travis stood up. "Last chance, Mitch. You sure you want to do this?"

Bastard. _What, like he's the only guy in the world? Excuse me._

"You know your way out. Lock the door when you leave." I tried to sound as cold as possible.

Shithead laughed softly while shaking his head. I wanted to scream at him right then or smack his head. Good thing he left, and he actually did lock the door.

As soon as Travis left I ran to Scott's room. I didn't even have to worry about the bulge in my pants; in the last few seconds I was talking with Travis, the evidence of the stupid mistake I just made disappeared.

Scott didn't usually lock his room except when Alex was inside with him. But at the time it was. I knocked softly and waited.

And... there is knocking on my door.  _Thank God. Time for ice cream and cartoons marathon._


	4. Problem (Part 4)

**_"I should be wiser and realize that I've got one less problem without_ _you."_ **

\---

**February 16. 1:00 AM.**

I just spent the last 6 hours with Scott eating ice cream and watching Spongebob.

When I let him in my room earlier, all he said was, "Can we eat ice cream?" I would've pushed for him to eat real food but I decided to be content with the fact that he was eating  _something_.

"Sure," I told him. "I'll just get them. Couch?"

"Okay." He walked out of my room and got comfortable on the couch.

You remember how my Plan B was to binge eat ice cream on V-Day? It's the reason why our freezer was stocked with different kinds. I grabbed two pints, chocolate flavor for him and vanilla for me. I also got each of us a spoon and walked over to the living room. By the time I got there, Scott had already started playing the Spongebob DVD.

I sat beside him and gave him the ice cream and his spoon. We sat there for about an hour without talking. I was dying to ask him what happened between him and Alex and I also felt the need to explain to him what he saw going down between me and Travis. But it didn't seem like he was in the mood to talk. He silently ate his ice cream and continued staring at the screen. He didn't even laugh. It was painful watching him.

After what probably were 10 episodes of Spongebob, he got the remote and put the TV on mute. He snuggled closer to me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and rested his forehead on my shoulder.

I didn't know what else to do so I put my left arm behind his back and rested my cheek on his head.

He took a deep breath before speaking up. "Alex asked me to move in with him and I said no. We got into a huge fight and it ended in us breaking up."

 _I didn't see that coming_. Okay, I may have said in my previous entry that I hate Alex because he doesn't realize how lucky he is that he has Scott. Maybe I was wrong? Because why else would he want Scott to move in with him, right?

I tried to face Scott but he just hugged me tighter, keeping me in place.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore, Mitch. I just told you because I knew you were dying to know. Details next time."

"Okay," I replied. I knew that Scott would share when he was ready. I would just have to wait for that.

We remained in that position, embracing, looking at the muted TV screen.

"So, you and Travis, huh?" He spoke up after a couple of minutes.

 _I knew it._  Took him long enough to ask.

"We're not back together, Scooter. It was V-Day, I was lonely, I've had too much to drink, he was available."

"Did he stay the night?"

He sounded a little angry but I shrugged it off. "No. I sent him away when you arrived."

"If I didn't arrive sooner or if I didn't go home at all, would you have let him stay the night?"

 _Interesting question_. I thought about it.

"Maybe... I don't know." There was no point lying to Scott. "But I don't have to think about that now, do I? You came and you stopped me from doing something I would regret for a very long time."

"Good."

I'm not sure but I think he smiled when he said that. His cheek moved against my shoulder.

"You deserve better, Stefanie. You know that, right?"

First the smile, then the nickname. Scott was starting to lighten up.

"Yeah, I do. But I tend to forget. Next time, will you remind me?"

"You know I will, Michelle."

We fell silent again. It was one of those moments where the silence was welcome.

"Mitchie?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do we have more ice cream?"

I laughed. "We've got ton of them, Scottie. Wait, I'll get it." I disentangled myself from his embrace, stood up and got us some more. When I went back to the couch Scott had turned volume back on.

And that was how we spent the rest of the night - eating ice cream and watching Spongebob.

It's 3:00 AM. I want to write more but I'm tired. I haven't even told you yet what happened V-Day night. Tomorrow, I promise. Mommy needs her beauty rest.


	5. La La La (Part 1)

_**"Hush, don't speak."** _

\---

**February 16. 11:00 AM.**

I slept in this morning. When I woke up, there already were a fresh cup of coffee and some pastries on my bedside table. On my coffee sleeve was a note.

**"Just wanted to remind you that you deserve better. - Spongebob"**

_Aww, that was sweet._  Scott didn't usually do that, like leave notes for me. I found it terribly endearing. I grabbed my phone to send him a message and saw that he also left me a text.

_**Scott: "Be out whole day 2day, need 2 be alone. See u @ dinner."** _

I typed a reply.

_**Mitch: "Will restock fridge with more ice cream & maybe chocol8s. C u l8r."** _

I wonder when Scott will tell me what really happened between him and Alex. Now that I think about it, Alex kind of moved really fast. He and Scott have only been together for 6 months.  _Do people really do that, ask someone to move in with them after such a short time?_  But more importantly, why did Scott say no? Anyway, I'll probably know sooner or later.

So as promised... V-Day. Quick recap. Basically, I became a desperate drunk who gave into old bad habits (Travis). And while I was thoroughly enjoying the kisses and the body of said bad habit, my best friend (Scott) saw me. Bad habit brought up past issues which helped me remember why one, he was a bad habit, and two, why I didn't need him in my life. I kicked bad habit out of my home and went to check up on my best friend. That pretty much sums it up, yes?

Reasons why both bad habit guy and move-in-with-me guy (Alex) weren't with us on the morning after Valentines are already known. Now the question is, what happened in between me knocking on best friend's room and me waking up on his bed, in his clothes? 

As far as I can remember, I waited forever outside Scott's door. I had to knock several times and call out to him. I started with  _"Stefanie, are you alright? Let me in."_  When that didn't work, I used  _"Yoohoooo! Scooterrrr! I'm waiting!"_  When that still didn't work, I got a little more dramatic.  _"I'm dying out here and my hands are bleeding from knocking on your door."_  Guess what, Scott still didn't come to the door. Normally I would have left him alone since he obviously didn't want company but I was drunk and didn't have much inhibition. I resorted to profanities and violence.  _"Hey, stupid! Open this fucking door and let me in! Or else I will -"_

It worked. The door was now wide open. "What the fuck do you want, Mitch?"

That's when I noticed that his eyes were puffy and his cheeks were tear-stained. His hair was a mess as if he ran his hand through it numerous times, and his shoulders were hunched. On his bedside table was a bottle of whisky, half-full.  _When did he get that and how long has he been drinking?_  I entered his room without saying a word, sat down on his bed, rested my back against the headboard, and patted the space beside me. "Sit and spill. What happened and why are you crying?"

"Alex and I... b-broke up," he said, his voice cracking at the last two words.

"WHAT?!" I almost fell off the bed. It took a couple of seconds before I regained my composure. "Are you alright?"

"Would you be, if you were me?"

 _See, the alcohol made me stupid._  I shouldn't have asked that question.

"But what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Mitch. Besides, don't you have a guest to attend to?"

I wasn't ready to talk about my stupid mistake yet. "Don't change the subject," I retorted. Looking back, I now wonder why I didn't just tell him that I already kicked bad habit out.

He crossed his arms over his chest and continued to stand by the door. Neither of us said anything until I remembered the bottle of whisky. I grabbed it from the table. "Wanna drink?"

"That's what I've been doing before you so rudely interrupted me." He walked over to the bed and grabbed the bottle from my hand. "This is mine."

"Fine. I have my own supply, you know." I got up, fetched the wine bottle from the living room, and sat on the same spot on the bed. "To ex-boyfriends?" I raised the bottle. I didn't even bother using glasses.

"To ex-fucking-boyfriends!" He clinked his bottle with mine.

I'm pretty sure we talked some more after that, but all I remember now are the laughing and cursing and screaming that we did. We even traded bottles.

"Oh, no! Nooooooooooo!" Scott yelled. At this point we were facing each other, both sitting Indian-style.

"Whaaaat?" I screamed back before laughing.

"I'm out! I'm OUT! No more." He turned the bottle upside down and stuck his tongue out, as if trying to collect the last drop of liquor.

"You're right. I'm almost out, too. What to do? What to do?" I looked around the room. "I know! Let's play a game!" I excitedly put my hands together, like a little child.

"Yes. Yaaaaas. I love games!" He said, laughing.

"Spin the bottle! Dare or dare edition! No truths because well, they hurt. Dares are more fun!"

"Oh my god, you're soooo smart, Melissa!" He grabbed both my shoulders and shook me while saying that. "I'll start!"

He scooted away from me and put the bottle in between us. He barely made it spin, considering we were on the bed and his hands were so unsteady and clumsy. The open end of the bottle faced me.

"Noooooooooo." I screamed. "I don't like this game anymore," I whined, moving the bottle away from me.

"It was your idea, dork." He laughed uncontrollably. Then he tried to act serious and put his fingers on his chin, as if in deep thought. "I. Dare. You... To pretend you're Mike TV and sing in your 10-year old voice."

"Pfffft. That's easy!" I stood on the bed, crouched a little to make myself appear small, and sang whatever lines I could remember. I ended on a high note and took a bow while Scott clapped like an idiot in front of me. "Okay, my turn!!!" I sat down and put minimal energy into spinning the bottle, just enough for the open end to face Scott.

"You're cheating! Spin again!" 

"No, no double spins." I smiled wickedly. "I dare you to... do twenty push-ups!"

"That's a stupid dare."

In retrospect, yes it was. But in my drunken state, I thought that it was a hilarious idea. "Just do it! Down, boy, down," I playfully told him.

You think he would've gotten off the bed... but no. He did his push-ups on the bed, counting out loud.

"Twenty!" He yelled as he plopped face down on the bed, acting like he was so exhausted. He stretched his arms and legs so he looked like a starfish. He then turned his head towards me and said, "Too lazy to spin the bottle. My turn again. Now, I dare you to dance... like Beyonce. Sing and dance like Beyonce. Do 'Crazy in Love'!" He giggled.

"I don't want to do that!"

"It's a dare, Miranda. If you don't do it, you have to strip!" He looked so smug.

"If you wanted to see me naked you could just ask, you know," I teased.

"Where's the fun in that? Crazy In Love or strip, Mitchie. I'm waiting." 

 _Wicked son of a bitch._  I knew I didn't have to follow him but I did anyway. I grabbed either sides of my shirt and pulled it over my head. "Happy?"

"Not quite." He smirked.

I wanted to get back at him so I tried to think of riduculous dares. However, he barely backed down.  _Competitive Scott._ To make it worse, I wasn't so creative (hello, I thought the pushups were hilarious). On the other hand, he was daring me to do stuff which he knew I would hardly do, even under the influence of alcohol.

We laughed until the morning, until our tummies hurt, and until I had nothing but boxers on. Scott made sure I wouldn't wear them again by going to the bathroom and soaking my clothes.  _Such a child, right?_ And he was so unfair. He managed to keep practically everything on except for his socks. 

One of the last few things I remember from that night was Scott turning up the AC. I complained that I was cold and threatened to leave.

"Mitchieeee, don't go." He hugged me from behind as I tried to walk out of the room.

"Then turn off the AC, dumbass! Do you want me to freeze to death?"

"Wait." He let me go and went to his drawers, pulled out a pair of matching pajamas which I gave him as a gift a couple of years ago. "Here," he smiled, handing them to me.

"They're too big, Scottie."

"But they're my favorites. You're my favorite. My favorite in my favorite." He beamed. "Don't go, pleeeaaase?" He used his puppy dog eyes on me.

"You're impossible!" I rolled my eyes but put on the pajamas anyway.

He seemed so satisfied seeing me in them. "My favorite in my favorite," he repeated.

We went back to the bed and... talked some more, I think? Or did a couple more dares. My memory's kind of fuzzy.

All I know is that when I woke up, I was in Scott's room, on Scott's bed, him sleeping beside me, with no Alex or Travis in sight. And that I had a terrible hangover.

Some kind of Valentine's Day, huh?


	6. La La La (Part 2)

_**"If my heart can't stop it, I find a way to block it. I go la la."** _

\---

**March 7. 10:00 PM.**

It's been 3 weeks since Valentines. I haven't done any more stupid things. I flirt a lot on Twitter, yes, but nothing serious. I may be getting the hang of this being single shebang. Scott's been a big help. He kept his promise and has been reminding me from time to time that I deserve better. He usually leaves a note on my coffee cup sleeve when he does the morning coffee run for the both of us. I love waking up to that. Sometimes he sends me random texts. On rare occasions he'd just tell me straight to my face. Out of the blue. Then he'd smile and drop the subject. I think it's cute and sweet.

Speaking of Scott, I think he's doing pretty well since the breakup. For about one week we spent most nights eating ice cream and chocolates. I had been breaking out but I couldn't let him eat alone, now, can I? He's back to eating real food now. I expected it, considering his huge appetite. Scott's a hungry little child, so it was only a matter of time. He still hasn't told me the reason why he said no to Alex, though. I haven't talked to Alex, either. We weren't really friends even when he and Scott were together. I'm really curious. It's not like Scott to keep something like that from me. But I'm not gonna push. The reason doesn't really matter.

\---

**April 2. 11:00 PM.**

Work has kept both me and Scott busy. We went away for tour for two weeks and we just got back.

I love going on tours. It's exhausting but I love discovering new places, eating all kinds of food, and meeting new people, especially the fans. They're so sweet. A couple of them showed me their fan arts and even gave me gifts. It's still overwhelming when we get recognized on the streets. I will never get used to that.

You know this is probably nothing, but Scott was different during our last tour. Not the musician Scott because he's been great at shows, as always. I'm referring to best friend Scott. He's been a little... clingy, I guess? He's been spending a lot of time with me. Like more than usual. How do I explain it? Hmm... For example, if I didn't feel like spending our day off outside, he'd stay in the hotel with me. And I know Scott. He's always the first to say yes when anybody suggests that we go out. I'd encourage him to go without me, but he refuses to. Then when we're in our room, we basically spend our time just eating (whoever invented room service, thank you) and watching what's on TV. He'd sometimes complain that he was bored, but he never left.

One more thing. He's been getting up extra early and he does the coffee run for the both of us. Therefore, I always get a message on my coffee sleeve. And the messages have changed. It used to be " **You deserve better :)** " repeatedly, but he's mixed it up. A couple of what he's written are " **Good morning, boy princess** ", " **DRINK ME!!!** ", and " **Mitchie Mitchie Mitchie** " among others.

But my all time favorite was " **Wrap your tiny hands around me, I'm starting to get cold** ". I thought it was witty. That morning he was back on his bed, sleeping, by the time I woke up and read his cup sleeve message. (I think it's stupid that he gets up early to buy us coffee then goes back to sleep. Thoughtful, yes, but stupid.) I didn't want to start drinking my coffee and eating my breakfast without him so I crawled up in his bed. He was facing away from me so I approached him from behind and whispered in his ear.

"Wake up, Serena. Wakey wakey!"

He stirred but didn't wake up. At least I think not. I tapped him on the shoulder.

"C'mon, get out of bed. I don't want to eat alone. My coffee's actually starting to get cold."

Still no response. I moved a little closer. "If you don't get up, I will tickle you." Okay, so I know he's not as ticklish compared to me but that sometimes worked on him.

Nothing. "Cece... I will count to three," I whispered as my hand moved from his shoulder down to his arm. I used my index and middle fingers alternately, as if they were legs of a tiny creature walking down his body. "One... Two... Three." I finished counting at the same time my hand reached his waist. I startled to lightly tickle him with my right hand but got no response. I was getting impatient so I slipped my left hand beneath the other side of his waist (I was practically spooning him) and started to intensify my tickling.

"You shouldn't have done that," he suddenly said as he grabbed both my hands.

That's when I knew I was going to die. "No, no, no. I was only trying to wake you up!" I tried to free my hands from his grip but he was much stronger than I was. He used his left hand to hold both my hands and used his right to reach behind him, look for my waist, and start tickling me.

You know how sensitive I am, right? I kept on squirming and laughing and telling him to stop all at the same time. He used that opportunity to free my hands, roll his back over me and switch positions. It took him probably all of 2 seconds to do that. I was concentrating on trying to breathe while holding my laugh. He stopped tickling me for a second, just enough for me to catch my breath and open my eyes. I saw that he was straddling me and I was helplessly pinned to the bed.

"You should've known better than to tickle me, princess. Payback time."

 _He's the devil._  "I won't do it again, I pro-" He didn't even let me finish my sentence. His hands were unforgiving. Scott knew just where I was most ticklish (at least on my upper body) and he went for it. I tried to pry his hands away from me but the sensation was too much.

When I could barely breathe and tears were already falling from my eyes because of too much laughing, he finally stopped.

"Learned your lesson?" He lifted his leg off me and sat beside me.

I took a couple of deep, steadying breaths. "I hate you." I wiped away the tears and tried to look mad at him.

"How could you hate me when I bought you coffee? Plus I already ordered room service before going back to sleep. Told them to deliver it..." He grabbed his phone to look at the time. "A couple of minutes from now." He smiled. He looked so proud of himself.

"I still hate you." Of course Scott knew it wasn't true. Then as if on cue our food arrived, and we ate breakfast in our room.

The rest of the tour was somehow like that. Scott was with me everywhere. Clingy, right? But also very sweet. Maybe it was the breakup? He must have a lot of relationship energy (is there such a thing?) left that's he's spending it all on me.

But who am I to complain? If I'm being completely honest, I loved it.

\---

**April 14. 9:30 PM.**

I read this article about relationships and breakups and there was this thing about the  _ **3-Month Rule**_. I've never heard of it before but apparently, when people breakup, they have a window period of 3 months to win each other back. Like you can't go out on dates with other people within that time frame, because it's your ex's chance to make things right with you and vice versa. It's pretty absurd, if you ask me. Don't people say that the best way to get over someone is to find someone new? Anyway, that definitely no longer applies to me and Travis. It still does to Alex and Scott, though. I wonder if Alex has been trying to patch things up Scott. I hate that Scott refuses to talk about the breakup!

\---

**April 30. 11:30 PM.**

Things are changing and I don't know how to feel about it. You know how I said Scott was acting different? At first I thought it was just the breakup, like maybe he missed Alex but since they were broken up, he decided to spend all of his time and energy on me. But now I think he's doing it on purpose. He hasn't said anything out of the ordinary but his actions, though. Nothing grand. More of a series of little things. One, the early coffee runs. (Didn't really think he'd last but he's still doing it!) Two, staying in most nights when he could've been out partying with friends. (So not Scott to do that!) Three, he's been asking what I wanted to do whenever we have free time. Four, he's always up in my space. He's always in my room, asking me about stuff, getting my opinion on the most random of things. I mean, he's been like that since I can remember, but he's basically so lazy that when we're at least ten feet apart he'd resort to shouting what he wanted or texting or calling me. But now he's always... beside me. Don't get me wrong, I love Scott's company. But the closeness is starting to bring back old feelings which, quite honestly, I'd prefer to stay in the past.

\---

**May 11. 9:00 PM.**

I might be falling for Scott... again. Wait. Do you still say that even if you never fell out of it in the first place? Because I probably never did. My feelings can get very confusing sometimes. I guess that's what happens when you try to hide your feelings for years. You don't know what's real anymore.

But can you blame me? No. Blame Scott. He's the one acting all different and sweet and whatnot. He knows I overthink things. He knows I will probably read into what he's doing. He knows and yet he does it. So forgive me for getting confused over all that has been happening.

I know the deal, okay? He's my best friend and the best-friend-turned-lovers scenario is mostly only successful in books and movies. I also know that it's going to be a big risk to our friendship.  _I FUCKING KNOW_. How, you ask? Cause we've been down that road before. We were young and naive and we didn't know what we were doing. But he ended it before things got "too deep". He said he wanted me more as his best friend. I wanted more as his boyfriend but if best friend was all I got, I was fine with that. So I tried to get over him. We never told anybody, not even Kirstie. We also haven't brought it up since it happened.

There were times I swear to God I thought I already did. Get over him, that is. There was a time I was truly happy with Travis (before he transformed into a big douche) and I also was genuinely happy for Scott when he got together with Alex. But now that he's doing what he's doing, it makes me think that I never really got over him. At most I was probably able to bury my feelings so deep that it took me a while to unearth them.

The voice in my head is telling me to stop being ridiculous and to stop analyzing. But my heart is telling me otherwise.  _I am such a cliche, I know_. My heart is usually right when it comes to music but it's been wrong countless times on men. I would've asked Scott for help but he's the one I'm confused about.

If my head and heart had real, actual voices I'd likely be deaf by now. They're screaming at me, trying to drown the other out.

I can feel the headache coming. Must find ibuprofen.


	7. See Through (Part 1)

_**"I can't afford to lose another second with you. I've been waiting a long time."** _

\---

**May 12. 11:30 PM.**

Should I confront Scott? Ask him what his deal is? I don't plan on telling him I'm still in love with him (even as I'm writing that,  _me in love with Scott_ , it feels... wrong), I really just want to know why he's been acting different. But how do I approach him?

\---

**May 13. 9:45 PM.**

I should make a plan. I think the best thing to do would be to ask him casually. I will let him know I've noticed that he's changed, but I also have to make him feel that it's not a big deal to me. EVEN IF IT IS. Oh my God, now that I'm writing about it, I realized it really is. Shit.

Best case scenario, he tells me he loves me. (Ha, a girl can dream, right? A gay can dream? Princess. A boy princess can dream.) I'd tell him I love him, too, and we'll live happily ever after.  _That sounds like more of a delusion than a dream_. So not gonna happen. Average case scenario (I don't know what's in between best and worst), he confirms what I've been thinking - that he just misses Alex and he is, instead, spending his time with me. Actually, that doesn't sound average. If he tells me that I will get hurt. I don't want to be his rebound. Let's make that bad case scenario. Worst will be what? He realizes that the reason I'm asking him is because I'm in love with him. Nobody knows me better than Scott, and he might see through me. If he brings up the past and tells me he only wants me as a best friend and that he doesn't love me back, that will be worse case. But  _worst_  case will be if he stops what's he's doing altogether and he gets crazy weird around me.

There seems to be more risk and more all-kinds-of-bad scenarios waiting to happen if I confront him. Maybe I should just let him be? See if he goes back to normal eventually.

I will go crazy, yes, but I don't think I'm ready to lose my best friend.

\---

**May 14. 10:00 AM.**

Today marks the 3-month deadline for Alex to make things right with Scott. Not that either of them knows about that stupid rule. I was probably the only one who read that article. Not that I care either... Okay... fine. I care. Why am I even lying when I'm the only one reading this. There is no point lying to myself. My hands just get tired from all the extra writing I have to do when I elaborate on my lie.

Here's the thing. I was thinking that after today, if Alex doesn't make his move, I will confront Scott tomorrow. I know I said yesterday that I wasn't ready to lose my best friend, but I won't let it come to that. I just want to know why Scott has been behaving that way. I promise to be casual. Whatever he tells me, I will accept it and drop the subject.

Sounds like a good plan to me.

\---

**May 15. 8:00 AM.**

Can you tell from the time how excited I am... sort of? Alex was a no-show yesterday and Scott stayed home the entire time, as I did. I mean I don't know if Alex tried texting or calling, but Scott would've told me. I'm thinking dinner time. We have rehearsals with the rest of PTX today.

\---

**May 15. 10:00 PM.**

Rehearsal went well. On the other hand, my thing with Scott went in every direction I wasn't expecting. 

So we had Chinese food delivered. We were on the couch, on opposite ends with our feet touching, eating dinner while watching some cheesy chick flick on HBO. I was a little nervous since I wanted to bring up my concern but I wasn't sure how. I was going through different opening lines in my head when Scott suddenly spoke up.

"Hey, Marjorie?"

"Hmmm?" I kept my eyes on the TV even if I wasn't really watching.

"You think we'll ever have that?"

"What do you mean?"

"That..." He grabbed the remote and put the TV on mute. "That kind of love. Not the all-consuming, passionate, crazy-kind of love. More like the let's-grow-old-together kind of love, you know?"

 _Okay, did he mean we as in like us together or in general?_  The thought made my cheeks blush.  _My body is a traitor!_  I looked at him and saw that he was looking at me, his face all serious. I felt myself blush even more and I hated myself for it. "Why are you asking me that?"

"No particular reason. Just wondering, I guess."

"Didn't you already have that? With Alex?" I held my breath and waited for his answer. 

His brows wrinkled a bit when he thought about his answer. It was adorable. "To be honest, no, I don't think so. He was... okay but he was neither kind of love."

I gave myself a mental high five. "Oh."  

"I don't want to grow old alone, Mitch."

 _Whoa._  First, he used Mitch. Second, why is our conversation like this? "Scott, where is this coming from?"

He put down his food.  _What is happening?_  "Mitch, there's something I need to tell you."

HOLY. MOTHER. OF. GOD. Is he going to say what I think he's going to say? Do I want to hear it?

"Skeeter, you're starting to scare me!" I let out a nervous laugh.

He stood up, moved my feet off the couch, sat next to me and faced me. "I know we've been best friends and..." He stopped. He closed his mouth and opened it again, but no words came out.

 _Why did he stop?!_  I slapped his arm lightly. "Spit it out. Now." My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and I was starting to feel lightheaded. 

When he spoke again, his tone had changed and he looked like he was forcing a smile. "When we're thirty and we're both still single, can we like... I mean... You know? That promise thing. We'll stick together when we're 30 and we're still both single."

That must have been one of the most disappointing moments of my life. I was too stunned to speak and I was concentrating hard on not screaming at Scott or punching him. How dare he play with my emotions like that. Well, actually, he most likely didn't have an idea that I was falling for him again and all that so he couldn't have known. But at that very moment I hated him. "Don't be silly, Scott."

"Wait, just hear me out." He took both of my hands in his.

I so wanted to look away. The closeness, the touch, the way he was making me feel inside was unfair. "I'm giving you 30 seconds."

"Look, I don't want to grow old alone, and I know you don't want that, too. So we'll be each other's... safety blankets."

I know people make this deal a lot but does one of them ever feel the way I do? Safety blanket sounded more of I-have-no-choice-so-might-as-well-have-you. It didn't feel very comforting. Or maybe because the ones who make this kind of deal are usually platonic friends who have no feelings for each other. 

"Why 30? Isn't it supposed to be 40?" Of the many thoughts in my head, that was what I said.

"Eh. Forty's a little too old, don't you think?" He gave me an awkward smile again. His blue eyes looked as if he was hiding something. They seemed like they were pleading, but for something else. Not this whole nonsense that Scott was talking about. "So?"

What was I supposed to say? I could look at the situation as a glass half empty - Scott having no choice but me, or as half full - a chance with Scott. Granted a lot can happen in 9 years but it's still a chance, right? "Fine."

He looked really relieved. "Thank you!" He squealed as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. I didn't reciprocate; I was too busy being confused over what just happened.

"Now, now, Sandra, don't get too excited. You have to wait 9 more years."

He released me but he had a grin on his face. He grabbed his food and went back to the spot beside me. We ate the rest of our meal in silence while watching the movie.

As soon as the movie was through I headed for my room. Now here I am, writing.

So things didn't go as planned today. I still don't understand what happened over dinner. Did I really just agree to Scott's proposal?  _Of course I did_. That was something I couldn't really say no to. But you know what I hate? It's the fact that I am probably going to spend the next 9 years of my life waiting for him.  _Waiting for my chance with him._  The thing I just agreed to will screw up every possible relationship I will have (if I have any at all) because now, at the back of my mind, I will always hope to end up with Scott.

I'm screwed. After this entry I will get a bottle of chardonnay, drink until I'm numb, and cry myself to sleep. Oh and probably pray that in the next 9 years, every single relationship of Scott fails.

\---

**May 16. 1:00 PM.**

I woke up late and hoped that last night was a dream. But I read my recent entry and it's not.

I hate it. I don't think this is as big a deal to Scott than it is to me.

\---

**June 1. 9:00 AM.**

I tried not thinking about Scott's proposal (promise?) but it's hard. It's only been two weeks and yet I've been going crazy over it. Those kinds of promises are supposed to make you feel secure, right? That you won't grow old alone? But what if in the next few years Scott found somebody else and I don't?

How am I supposed to go into a relationship with someone else when I know there's a possibility with Scott? Flirting's easy. Casual dates I can do, too. But a relationship? Falling in love with someone else?

To make things worse, Scott hasn't gone back to his old self as I had hoped he would. He still does all these sweet and thoughtful things that it's making it harder not to fall in love with him. Or fall deeper since I've already established that I never fell out of love since we first got together.

 _God._  What did I get myself into?

\---

**June 27. 11:15 PM.**

Just checking in. I'm still crazy, still in love with Scott (Oooh crazy in love with Scott! That perfectly describes it!). Scott, quite frankly, is doing things only a boyfriend should be doing except all the fun, er, intimate parts. I'd be a hypocrite if I say I don't enjoy it. But what'll happen when he finally decides to stop? 

\---

**July 1. 9:00 AM.**

It's my birthday month! For the next 31 days I will indulge myself and be happy and not worry.

I will  _try_  not to worry.

\---

**July 17. 9:45 PM.**

Scott's been acting weird. I expected it, sort of, because he's always been like that whenever my birthday was coming up. He knew how much I loved my birthday so he tries to give me a little surprise every year. It's just that he's more secretive than usual. I don't want to spoil the surprise so I will not snoop around.

\---

**July 22. 10:40 PM.**

I received an early birthday present from Scott. It was a short video with people from home greeting me a happy birthday. My parents and sister were in it, Scott's whole family was in it, a couple of our friends from high school, and people from CATS. I don't even want to know how long it took him to prepare that to think we have been so busy the last couple of months.

How can I not fall deeper in love with him?

\---

**July 23. 8:50 PM.**

Scott told me about his other gift over dinner. VIP tickets to Sophie's concert!!! He knew how heartbroken I was when I didn't get my hands on those. Now we're going. Together. Ahhh I'm so happy!!!

\---

**July 24. 12:05 AM.**

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! The messages are starting to come in. Better put my phone on vibrate if I want to get any sleep tonight. I just wanted to be awake for the first few minutes of my birthday. Time for my beauty rest. I want to look flawless for the next 24 hours!

\---

**July 24. 11:50 PM.**

I want to tell you about how lovely this day was and how amazingly sweet people have been (PTX, Esther, Jonathan, some fans, etc.) but I might be having a panic attack soon.

Scott and I got home 20 minutes ago. When I entered my room, I saw something on my bedside table. There was a coffee cup and on the sleeve was written, " **I know I keep telling you that you deserve better. I don't know if I'm good enough. Please don't hate me.** "

Beside it was a box with a cake inside. On it was written:

" **HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY, MITCH** "

 _Is it what I think it is?_  Oh my God I'm gonna vomit.


	8. See Through (Part 2)

_**"I am yours and you are mine."** _

\---

**July 25. 12:03 AM.**

I am still in my room. I am still in shock. I can feel the bile rising in my throat and I don't know if it's from all the food I've just eaten in the last 24 hours, the nerves, or both. What if I'm just reading things wrong?

\---

**July 25. 12:30 AM.**

Yep, just vomited.

I can wait 8 more years, right? Till I'm officially 30?

\---

**July 25. 1:30 AM.**

I was stupid to think I could sleep and keep Scott waiting. I know he's waiting.

\---

**July 25. 1:45 AM.**

Oh, what the hell. Fuck it. I'm going to Scott's room.

\---

**July 25. 2:05 AM.**

I tried. I REALLY TRIED. I got so far as the door of his room. My hands were on the door but I couldn't bring myself to knock. I felt paralyzed. I stood there forever (more like 5 minutes, now that I look at the time).

Why am I so scared? Isn't this what I wanted?

\---

**July 25. 2:20 AM.**

Oh my god. Scott will think I hate him. Especially after he said **"Please don't hate me"** on the cup sleeve! But I don't hate him. I hate myself.

Speaking of, the coffee's gone cold. The icing on the cake is starting to melt a little. I should take a photo.

\---

**July 25. 3:00 AM.**

What if I pretend I haven't seen his message yet? Go out there tomorrow morning and act as if nothing's happened?

That's the stupidest idea I've ever thought of.

\---

**July 25. 3:30 AM.**

I WILL REGRET THIS. I WILL REGRET THIS. I WILL REGRET THIS.

\---

**July 25. 3:50 AM.**

I cannot imagine what Scott must be feeling right now. But I'm a mess. I can't go in there like... this, can I? What am I going to say? What is he going to say? What if he already changed his mind because I am taking literally forever to talk to him?

\---

**July 25. 4:15 AM.**

I have been pacing my room like a father waiting outside the delivery room. My legs are begging for rest but my mind is on overdrive.

\---

**July 25. 4:30 AM.**

SHIT. I just knocked down my bedside lamp. It made quite a sound. If Scott is awake like me, he would've heard it. So he must know I'm awake. He knows I'm awake. HE KNOWS I'M AWAKE AND I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HIM.

\---

**July 25. 4:45 AM.**

I don't even know why I'm in my room. I know in my heart that I love Scott and that I should be there, talking to him. But I'm here. WRITING. This isn't helping. I should do something.

\---

**July 25. 4:55 AM.**

I just sent Scott a message. It's the only thing I could think of telling him. Asking him.

_Mitch: **"How old are you?"**_

DO NOT JUDGE ME. That was the best I could do.

Why the fuck is he taking forever to respond? Is he asleep? He has no right to sleep after the stunt he pulled! How could he do this to me???

Shit shit shit shit shit. I have a message.

\---

**July 25. 5:10 AM.**

_Scott: **"I'm turning 31 in September. Have you forgotten my birthday?"**_

Breathe in. Breathe out. Do not cry. Do not have a panic attack. Do not die. Go out. Move your ass off the bed.

\---

**July 25. 11:30 AM.**

My coffee is here. I am keeping the sleeve because by far, this is the best message I've received.

**"I know you love waking up to fresh coffee. And I do, too. But you know what's better? The feeling of waking up next to you. Good morning, Mitchie. I love you."**

So... I guess I have a boyfriend?

 


	9. See Through (Part 3)

_**"I am see through, baby, and I don't want to hide for the very first time."** _

\---

**July 25. 4:00 PM.**

Scott went out, said he had a couple of errands to run. I offered to come with him but he said I should rest some more and that he'll be back soon.

Will it be too cheesy to say I miss him already? Because I do.

Last night, er, this morning was... surreal. But I'm not dreaming and this is really happening!

So after I got Scott's message, I went to his room and finally found the courage to knock. "Scott?" I called out to him.

I heard rustling by the door and in literally less than 3 seconds it was opened (was Scott beside the door the entire time?). He looked at me but said nothing. His hair was disheveled, his eyes were red (I wasn't sure if he had been crying), and he was wearing his favorite pajamas, the ones I gave him. He looked tired and scared but he managed to give me a weak smile. "Hi."

"Hey." I crossed my arms over my chest and kind of gave myself a hug. "So... You're 30?"

"I guess I am," he whispered softly. His blue eyes stared into mine.

"I think I just turned 30, too." I gave him an awkward half smile.

"You did, huh?" Silence.

"So I'm 30. Still single." I had to put it out there. Say it out loud. To say that I waited nervously for his response is an understatement.

"And I'm still single, too." He took a step closer. "Mitch, I..."

I already waited 5 hours. No, I WAITED 7 YEARS. There was still an ongoing battle in my head but I just couldn't wait anymore. I closed the distance between us and kissed him. It was good to know that his lips haven't changed. They were still as soft as when we first kissed all those years ago.

Scott kissed me back gently. My hands found their way to the back of his neck while he wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me close but broke the kiss. He pressed his forehead against mine before taking a deep breath. I was so afraid of what was going to happen next. For a second I thought he would say that it was all a mistake.

"Mitch, I really want this," he whispered. His lips were so close that they touched mine with each word he spoke.

"I want this too, Scott." I replied, my forehead still on his, my eyes closed. However, even though I didn't want to ruin the moment, I had to let him know. "But I'm scared. We tried this before and -"

He pressed his lips onto mine. I tried to speak (now that I think about it I'm not sure what I would've said) but Scott pulled me closer, hugged me tighter, and deepened the kiss.

Before long I found myself melting into his embrace and returning his kiss. I don't know how long we stood there doing that but at some point we had pull away to breathe. Scott still didn't let me go, though. He brought his lips near my ears.

"I'm scared too, Mitch. Believe me, I am. I also got scared before, that's why I let you go. But I can't always be scared, right? I'm sorry for doing it this way. I didn't know how to tell you. Please, please, give me a chance." I barely heard him say all those words.

I gently him pushed him away, putting just enough distance between us so I could look at him. "We'll figure this out." I smiled at him. There was so much more I wanted to say but the emotional, physical and mental stress of the last few hours was starting to weigh me down. Quite frankly I was exhausted. I cupped both his cheeks with my hands. "Let's talk more tomorrow, okay?" I brought my hands down and attempted to turn around.

Scott caught me by the arm. "Stay. Please?"

I had no energy left to even attempt to resist. "Okay." I walked to the bed and laid on my side.

Scott did the same and lied down, facing me. He put my hand in his and entwined our fingers. "I love you, Mitch."

Was I surprised when he told me that? _Hell yes._ Did I want to start a new battle in my head? _Absolutely._ But you know the good thing about sleep deprivation and exhaustion? You are left with just enough energy to tell the truth and nothing else. "I love you, too, Scott."

Then sleep took over. When I woke up, there was fresh coffee on the bedside table with that sweet message.

Do I regret telling Scott that I love him? No, not really. Might have been too soon, but it was the truth. He told me he loved me, and I felt the same way. We aren't teenagers anymore. No point wasting time, right?

We still have a lot to talk about, I know. I'm not even sure if he's officially my boyfriend already (hence the question mark on my last entry). I just assumed since ... well... the I love yous and the kiss and the please-give-me-a-chance-speech.

I think Scott's back. Time to talk. Or not talk. Talking is not fun. Kissing Scott is. Note to self: kiss Scott more tonight.


	10. See Through (Part 4)

_**"All I've kept within lay before your eyes."** _

\---

**July 25. 11:30 PM.**

I am in Scott's room, on his bed, by his side. This is my new favorite place. He fell asleep about an hour and a half ago. I, on the other hand, couldn't sleep hence I'm writing on my iPad mini.

Dinner was fun. He brought home groceries and attempted to cook something for me. I probably shouldn't have stayed in the kitchen, though. I swear I just wanted to watch him. But then I hugged him from behind, he hugged my arms, he turned around, we kissed, we kissed some more, we kissed A LOT, and then we smelled burning food. So we ended up with delivered pizza for dinner, which, by the way, went perfectly with chardonnay.

We were eating dinner on the couch with his legs resting on my lap.

"Hey, Jane," I said, putting down my half-eaten slice on a plate beside me.

"Yes, Sandra?" He asked, smiling. He really looked very happy.

"Shouldn't we talk about... you know... things."

"Why do I feel like you're breaking up with me?" he replied, pouting. He moved closer to me, his knees coming up the level of my shoulders.

"Come on, you know what I mean." I rested my hands on his knees, my cheek on the back of my palm, and looked at him.

"Do we absolutely have to? Right now?" He leaned in. "Isn't this..." Kiss. "More..." Kiss. "Fun?" Kiss.

His kisses are starting to become addicting. I closed my eyes because if I saw how cute he looked, I would've given in. "I know what you're doing. And it's working. But we need to, Scott. You know we need to." I opened my eyes.

"Fine, fine." He moved his legs away from me and planted his feet on the ground. He put his arm around my waist. "This okay?"

Every fiber in my being wanted to jump at Scott and kiss him and do... other things to him. But I wanted to get "the talk" out of the way. I couldn't fully enjoy whatever I had with Scott if I still had so many questions in my head. "Yes." I sighed. I mirrored what he did and put my arm around his waist. I rested my head on his shoulder and stared at the TV, which wasn't even turned on. I figured it would be easier to talk if I didn't have to look at him. "No distracting me until we're done talking."

"Okay." THEN HE TICKLED ME. He fucking said okay but he tickled me.

"SCOTT!!!" I tried to get off the touch but he was faster at grabbing me, keeping me in place. "You're making this impossible!" I looked at him and saw that he had this adorable, playful smile. It was hard, but I managed to keep a straight face.

He must have seen how serious I was (or at least how serious I was pretending to be) so he wiped his smile off his face and tried to look serious, too. "I'm sorry." I could see that he was trying to suppress a giggle so I raised an eyebrow. "I'll behave starting now. I promise."

"Do that again and I will punch you in the face." I said as I put my head back on his shoulder.

Silence.

I sighed. I wanted to talk but didn't know where to start.

"Mitch, I love you. Just wanted to say that before anything else."

I literally felt my chest constrict when he said that. It sounded new to me. When we dated before, we only got as far as "I really like you" but never that 8-letter sentence. I think my chest hurt because of too much emotion. "I love you, too, Scott. But are we really doing this?"

I felt his hand hand stiffen at my side. "Have you changed your mind?"

 _How could he think that? I literally just told him that I loved him too, did I not?_ "No, of course not. But what's going to be different this time?"

He started to relax again. "Well, now I am sure that I love you. I already felt all these things before but I didn't know that it was love. The emotions were too much for me back then, and I was young. I got scared. Now I know that I love you. That's what's different."

It was reassuring to hear that. "When did you know?"

"That I loved you?" He seemed to think his answer through. "When Alex asked me to move in with him."

 _I was the reason they broke up? I didn't know how to feel about that._ "Explain."

"It wasn't on that exact day. I mean, when he asked me to move in with him, the first thought I had was I was going to live with him and not you, and it didn't feel right to me. Then I thought about me telling you I was moving out, and it crushed me."

"Does Alex know?"

"Know what?"

"Why you said no?"

"I gave all sorts of excuses. It was too soon, I wasn't ready, etc. At the time I also believed my reasons. But I think Alex knew exactly why."

"Oh."

"I spent the next few months trying to figure out my feelings. The coffee runs kind of helped me. I missed walking with you to Starbucks, but I also loved seeing your smile when you thanked me for the coffee. And then I started doing all those sweet things. See how I'd feel about it, see how you'd react. I know that was selfish, experimenting like that. But I wanted to make sure of how I felt about you. Besides, I knew you'd analyze me. When you didn't do anything to stop me, that encouraged me to go on."

 _He's right. That was selfish._ "So you knew I loved you, too?"

"I was hoping, but I wasn't sure."

"Now, are you sure?"

"Did you not mean it when you told me you loved me?"

I sensed the tension in his voice. "I did."

"Then I'm sure." Tension gone.

"But what about our friendship? We're taking a big risk, Scott." I hated myself for having so many doubts but it was the best time to lay it all out.

"I'm still your best friend. It's just that now, I'm also your boyfriend."

Boyfriend. I couldn't help but smile. I shifted in my seat and looked at him. "So we're best friends AND boyfriends?"

He also turned to face me. His smile was so wide. "We are."

"Making scomiche a real thing, huh?"

"Yes."

My heart was exploding and melting at the same time. "Thank you."

"For what?" His forehead wrinkled a bit.

"For getting over your fear."

"It was worth it, Mitch. You're worth it." His lips captured mine. Softly at first, though it didn't take long before it turned a little more passionate. My free hand traveled to his chest and I grabbed on to his shoulder as he slowly pushed me down the couch.

Then I felt the pizza getting squished. The very same pizza I put beside me before we started the talk. "Oh my god, eew."

"EEW?" Scott sounded offended.

"Not you! The pizza." I sat up."I better clean up."

"Oh." I got up but not before Scott planted another quick kiss on my lips. "Bad pizza!"

Talk about shitty moment spoiler.

I disappeared into my room. I was going to just change my top but I decided to take a shower. I didn't realize I spent almost an hour in there, alone with my thoughts. When I got out, I saw that the living room was all clean.

"Scott?" I called out.

"In here!" he yelled from his bedroom.

I walked over and opened the door, taking a peek inside. The room was dim, the only light coming from the bedside lamp. Scott was under the covers with his head sticking out.

"Get in here, Jennifer."

I traveled the short distance to his bed and then went under the covers with him. He was freshly showered. "You smell nice, Amanda."

"So do you. I bet you also taste nice."

If the room was brighter, Scott would've seen that my cheeks turned tomato red.

"Come closer."

I did until my face was an inch away from his and I could feel his warm breath against my cheeks. I expected the kiss that came next.

"Mmmm. Called it. You taste sweet."

"Do I? Maybe you got that wrong. Try again."

He obliged, lingering this time. "Spicy? Hot and spicy."

It was a fun game. "Are you sure?"

"Wait, last try."

And boy, did he try. Oh my god I am blushing just thinking about it. Let me put it this way: he EXPLORED my mouth with his tongue. Took his time exploring, too. That's the best description I can think of right now.

"Nope, you're sweet. Final answer," he said as he stifled a yawn.

"You've had a long day, Pumpkin. We both did. Go to sleep."

"I'm fiiiiiiine," he said, unable to suppress his yawn this time. His eyelids were starting to droop as well.

"Good night, Scottie. I love you."

"You'll stay here with me?"

I nodded.

"Okay. Good night, Mitchie. I love you, too." He gave me one last kiss on the lips.

In less than 5 minutes he was sleeping peacefully.

I, meanwhile, couldn't sleep. So many thoughts were running through my head.

I'm still scared. I don't think I'll ever be not scared. But I'm also excited. Happy. Relieved.

My chapter 2 with Scott is just starting, and heaven knows I will do anything to make it last this time around.


	11. See Through (Part 5)

_**"World under my skin, there for you to find."** _

\---

**July 31. 9:20 PM.**

This has been the best birthday month ever. Everything is going great, especially with Scott. I thought we'd have more awkward moments transitioning from best friends to boyfriends, but there hasn't been much. I think it helped that he spent a couple of months experimenting being all sweet with me. The only difference is that now, I know what he means by it.

We still haven't told anyone. I asked him not to. I want to enjoy him, us, as much as I could before sharing the news with the world. We're still in a little happy bubble. I'm afraid if anyone finds out it will burst.

\---

**August 1. 9:35 PM.**

I can't believe Scott. He is one hella naughty man child.

So we were at Kevin and Avi's apartment trying to arrange our new cover. During lunch, we were seated beside each other (like always). Scott was on my right, Kevin sat opposite me, Avi opposite Scott, and Kirstie in between Scott and Avi. Kevin was talking animatedly about this new show he liked so much when I felt Scott's hand travel up my thigh. I looked at him, trying not to show the horror on my face, but he was looking at Kevin and laughing with the rest. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it a little harder than necessary (but I didn't move it away - sue me). He glanced at me, moved his hand so that my fingers were entwined with his, beamed, and then looked back at Avi and the rest.

I brought out my phone and sent him a message.

_Mitch: **"Let go"**_

_Scott: **"Make me"**_

I wanted to shoot him with dagger looks but he kept his eyes on the boys and Kirst.

_Mitch: **"U won't like it"**_

_Scott: " **Try me"**_

Scott was playing games. Luckily, I was in the mood to participate. I leaned over, brought my lips near his ears, and covered my mouth with my free hand so the others won't see. "Is this what you want?" I whispered as softly and as seductively as I could. Then I slowly licked his outer ear from bottom to top before pulling away. Ha!

He looked at me and I saw him turn a pretty shade of pink. But he recovered quickly and he laughed. Fake laughed. "That's so funny, Kendall! You have to share that with the group!"

 _Son of a bitch._ Didn't even let my hand go. They all turned their attention to me. "Shaaare!" yelled Kirstie.

It was my turn to blush. "Guys, it's nothing. It was... this stupid joke I remembered. Not worth hearing."

"But it was soooo funny!" Scott was smirking.

"Kylie," I said, widening my eyes but still trying to smile, "they probably won't even get it. It's an inside joke, remember?"

"Are you or are you not telling us?" Avi interrupted.

"I guess not. Maybe next time. Right, Jenna?" His words were laced with double meanings. If anybody noticed anything, their faces gave nothing away.

"Right."

Scott finally let go of my hand. He kept his tricks to himself for the rest of lunch and I was able to eat in peace. I was more than eager to join the conversation when the topic shifted to our upcoming tour and ideas for the next album.

I thought when lunch ended so did Scott's games. I was wrong. He sat close to me (from the others' point of views it likely looked nothing out of the ordinary) and did all sorts of stuff. When nobody was looking (at least I think nobody saw us), he ran his his fingers down my spine and settled at the curve of my back. He stole kisses which mostly landed on my ear and nape. He whispered things like, "Hey gorgeous", "You're sexy when you sing" and "I love you". He made it extremely difficult to focus.

When we ended at 6 pm, I quickly said goodbye to everyone and headed straight for the car. I had the keys and opened it, settled on the passenger seat, and put the key in the ignition. Scott followed closely behind, and he settled down on the driver's seat.

The first few minutes of the car ride were spent in silence.

"Are you mad?" Scott asked.

I thought about telling him that I was, but I honestly wasn't. "Not really. But that was inappropriate! Why did you do that?"

"I like making you blush."

His answer made me blush. Wow, what am I, thirteen?! "You're such a child."

"You loved it, don't lie."

Of course I loved it but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. "I did not."

"I think you forget how well I know you, Mitchie."

The perks of having your best friend as your boyfriend. "Can we drive thru at McDonalds? Mommy's craving fries." I changed the subject.

"Oooh. Quarter pounder. Yes."

I knew him well, too. Talking about food was an easy way of distracting Scott.

There was a McDonalds at the next block. We drove thru, got our food, and headed home. After a couple of minutes we were in the apartment, eating on the couch.

After I was done I stood up. "I'm taking a shower then I'm hitting the sack. I'm kind of beat. Wanna stay in my room tonight?"

"Actually I wanted to work on some music first. I'll follow later. Or if you're asleep by the time I'm through, I'll just stay in my room." He got up as well. "Good night." He gave me a peck on the lips.

Now that we're alone he gives me just a peck? "I'm leaving the door unlocked. Don't stay up too late, okay?"

"I won't."

So that's what I did. Shower, then bed. I'm trying to wait for Scott that's why I started writing. But he still hasn't come. Oh well. Time to sleep.

\---

**August 7. 11:00 PM.**

Scott and I haven't had sex and I'm not sure why. He's been a tease, flirting and doing all sorts of naughty stuff when we're out. But he's been behaved at home. Nothing more than kisses which never traveled lower than my neck. We sleep together, but not SLEEP together. We embrace. We cuddle. Nothing follows.

What is he waiting for?

Does he want me to make the first move?

If this is another game (a very tempting and frustrating one), I'm willing to play.

\---

**August 14. 8:30 AM.**

Score one for me last night (I think).

I knew Scott was in my room, on the bed, waiting for me to finish my shower. I got out, still a little wet, with nothing but my towel on. I made sure to wrap it around my hips as low as possible, showing the happy trail of hair. "Hey, Spinach?"

He looked up from his phone. His reaction was priceless - eyes wide and lips slightly hanging open before he visibly swallowed. "Yes, Marty?"

He was so cute when he tried to look unaffected. "Can you help? I bought this new lotion which is supposed to make my skin baby soft. I've applied it to most parts of my body except my back," I said, extending my hand with the bottle.

"Sure. Come over here". He made his way to the edge of the bed and sat up, Indian-style.

I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed with my back to him. I made sure I was facing the mirror of my dresser so that I could see him. "Here." I handed him the bottle.

"Citrus?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Smells sweet. Tastes sweet, too." I winked.

He opened the bottle and put lotion on his palms. He put both his hands together and rubbed it before placing either one just below my shoulders. He started to massage gently, working in a circular motion. He did it excruciatingly slow, obviously to tease me as well.

But I couldn't let him win. I continued to look at him in the mirror. "Lower."

"Yes, sir." He put more lotion on his palms before placing his hands on the curve of my back. He kneaded my skin with his thumb while his other fingers slowly moved to my waist. The sensation was divine. His hands were warm and big and the pressure was just right. I was starting to feel ticklish so I closed my eyes and tried to breathe deeply to keep myself from laughing.

Next thing I knew, Scott was running his tongue over my spine, from the level of the shoulder blades all the way to the base of my neck. I literally felt currents shooting through my spine, all the way to the base of my belly and to my cock. He lingered on my neck and nibbled on my skin. "Tastes salty to me."

I kept my eyes shut, waiting for his next move but he didn't do anything more.

"Done." He patted my back.

He ended with a pat. _Bastard._ I opened my eyes to see Scott with an evil grin on his face. "Thanks, Sandra." I walked to my closet and found a shirt and a pair of boxers. I wasn't going to let him have the last laugh so I did something more bold. I dropped the towel without warning, wore the shirt, and pulled on the boxers. My back was to him but from the corner of my eye I could see his face in the mirror. From his reaction I knew that I had succeeded. I turned around and smiled innocently. "Sleepy time?"

He took a moment to answer. "Y- yes."

I walked back to the bed. "Good night, Scottie." I leaned down and gave him a peck on the lips.

"Good night, Mitchie. Cuddle time." He lay down on the bed.

I followed but decided to lie on my side, facing the wall with my back to him. When Scott spooned me I felt him nuzzle the back of my neck and felt his erection press against my ass. I pushed myself backwards, letting him know I was aware of his problem. But I stayed silent and did nothing further. I had my own problem to deal with. I don't know how long it took for Scott to fall asleep but it took me at least 30 minutes before I finally felt sleep coming over me.

When I woke up this morning, Scott didn't mention anything about last night. The both of us went to Starbucks (I'm guessing it took him forever to sleep that's why he didn't wake up early). Now we're just waiting for noon to leave for PTX rehearsals.

Score one for me, right?

 


	12. See Through (Part 6)

 

**_"Stripped down to my heart, naked to the core. All of me uncharted, begs to be explored."_ **

\---

**August 18. 8:30 AM.**

Who's winning? I don't know. If I succeed at seducing Scott, he does something to even out the score. Is he even keeping score? This game is very exciting but very, very frustrating.

\---

**August 26. 8:00 AM.**

That was some way to celebrate our first month of being together.

I'm not really into celebrating monthsaries, and so is Scott. But it was a little milestone. We didn't even reach one month when we first dated.

We were busy the whole day, doing interviews in the morning and a couple of meetings in the afternoon. When we got home, it was the first time we were alone in hours. I went straight into my room to change and freshen up. When I got out, Scott was on the couch, wine bottle in one hand and 2 glasses on the other.

"What are we celebrating?" I asked innocently.

"Like you don't know." He started pouring wine. When he finished he handed me a glass.

I sat beside him and faced him.

"This is the happiest I've ever been and I know that we're just starting. I'm looking forward to more crazy adventures with you. I love you, Mitch."

My heart was swelling with happiness and love. "You make me happy, too. I'm so excited for the many things we'll get to experience together. I love you, too, Scott." I raised my glass. "To us?"

He raised his glass and clinked it with mine. "To us."

We sipped our wine quietly. "This feels so... mature. Us having red wine. Is this all we're having?"

"I bought dessert." Scott had a twinkle in his eye.

I was intrigued. "Oooh, is it something I like?"

"Pretty sure."

"Where is it?" There was nothing else on the couch except our wine.

"It's dessert. It's for later."

"I want it now." I acted like a spoiled child.

"Fine." He disappeared into the kitchen. When he got back, he was holding a big tub of ice cream and 2 spoons.

I thought is was something more sexy like strawberries or chocolate or strawberries dipped in chocolate (note to self: buy chocolate-coated strawberries). "Ice cream?"

"Yes, Melinda. Ice cream." He again sat opposite me and handed me one spoon. "You want to do the honors?"

"This won't go well with the wine," I said, grabbing the spoon from him.

"Well, I don't want to put it back. And you were the one who said you wanted dessert now, right?"

_Does he have to shove it in my face when he's right?_ I opened the tub. Pink ice cream. Strawberry? "Why ice cream?"

"This reminds me of the day after Valentine's. When we ate tons of ice cream together."

"Oh." I scooped a spoonful of ice cream and took a bite. "Mmmm. Yum. You want some?"

"Feed me." His smile was so naughty it gave me an idea.

I ate another spoonful of ice cream, leaned over and kissed him. I stuck out my tongue, asking for access. When he let me in, I used my tongue to push ice cream into his mouth. I didn't break the kiss until the ice cream had fully melted in our mouths. When I pulled back, I saw that there was a drip of ice cream on the side of his mouth. "Ooops, don't want to waste that." I leaned in again and licked it off before planting a quick kiss on his lips.

He looked a little dazed and I felt so proud of myself. "I didn't really get to taste the ice cream. Give me more."

I was more than happy to oblige. I repeated the process, smiling contentedly when I was through.

"That was some really tasty ice cream. Let me try."

He scooped some ice cream and ate a mouthful. I thought he was going for my lips but when he got close, he went for my ear. He started kissing me and left a wet trail of melted ice cream from the bottom of my ear, to the side of my neck, to the dip in between my collarbones.

"The ice cream's going to stain your 600-dollar shirt. You might want to take it off."

Honestly, he had a point. I grabbed the sides of my shirt and pulled it over my head. I looked at Scott who was staring at me. I was breathing heavily and the growing bulge in my pants was unmistakable.

"Where were we? Ah yes." He took another bite of ice cream and started kissing and licking my collarbones. First the left, the the right. I don't recall at what point my back touched the couch but when he started going down, I also started closing my eyes. My body was on fire and it was the perfect contrast to his cold lips and tongue. He stopped when he reached my belly button.

"Mitch," he called.

I opened my eyes. Scott was hovering above me.

"You sure you're ready to do this?"

After a month of foreplay?! _HELL YES I WAS_. I nodded.

He took off my belt, undid the button, and pulled down my pants along with my boxers. My erection sprang free. He took a moment to... appreciate it? It made me feel conscious. _Shit, was he comparing me to previous lovers?_ But before I could say anything he put ice cream in my mouth, followed by his index finger.

"Suck," he commanded. The change in this tone startled me that I automatically did as he said while he watched. I swirled my tongue around his finger and sucked harder. He put a second finger inside. "You suck, I follow."

I didn't get it at first until he lowered his head down, held the base of my cock with his free hand, and took me in. I closed my eyes, bit his fingers and bucked my hips involuntarily, all at the same time. And holy shit did he do the same. He bared his teeth a little and lightly grazed my length with it. I wanted to scream "oh god" but since my mouth was kind of full, it came out as muffled, incomprehensible words. I had to take a moment to breathe. I raised my head and looked down. Scott looked up at me, my cock in his mouth, a grin (kind of) on his face. IT WAS THE SEXIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN, OKAY? (The mental picture is embedded in my brain.) I'm surprised I didn't come right at that moment.

I lowered my head and closed my eyes again. His fingers were still in my mouth. I wasn't doing anything and so neither was he. When my head cleared a little bit (and when I felt like air was finally moving back into my lungs), I grabbed Scott's wrist and slowly pulled his fingers out my mouth until only the tips of his fingers were touching my lips. I flicked my tongue over each one and felt him do the same to the tip of my cock, over and over. The sensation was driving me crazy yet I couldn't get enough. I pushed his fingers back inside my mouth and sucked. Hard. It felt like I was going to have a seizure when Scott followed my lead.

If we continued I was afraid I was going to come right in his mouth (I want to, eventually, but the moment was not right) so I moved his hand away from my mouth. When Scott raised his head, I sat up. I was panting and he looked so... chill. _Unfair._ It was also then that I noticed he was still wearing all his clothes.

"These have to go," I said, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pants.

"I'm lazy. You do it." He had the most devilish yet boyish grin on his face I couldn't even begin to comprehend how he can be both at once.

"My room. Now." I stood up, letting my pants fall completely to the ground. I held his hand and almost dragged him to my bedroom. I didn't even care that I was walking naked.

When we got to my room I closed the door behind us and pushed Scott against the door. Without saying a word I dropped to my knees. I hurriedly undid the button of his pants and pulled it down. Boxers came down next. When there was nothing in between his skin and my mouth, I took a quick peek at him before taking him all in. But fuck was Scott huge. I was too eager and I underestimated him that I choked a little bit when the tip of his penis hit the back of my throat. I couldn't let it spoil the moment so I pulled my head back slowly while flicking my tongue, getting his length wet all over. When I recovered from my little incident I used my left hand to grab the base of his shaft and I started to enjoy him like I would a popsicle. Lick, suck, swirl, repeat, while my left hand moved up and down. I grabbed his balls with my right hand and started kneading slowly, one at a time. I heard him moan and I swear it drove me crazy and made me even hungrier for him. I felt his hand on my head, grabbing my hair. I looked up to see that his eyes were closed and his chin was tilted up like he was on ecstasy. (Mental picture number 2 embedded in my brain!) I continued... eating my popsicle until I heard him speak.

"Mitch... Fuck. Stop. Not this way." He pulled me up. "Bed."

I followed wordlessly and lay on my bed. Scott climbed in, kneeled, and positioned himself in between my legs.

"Mitch..." He looked at me and I saw the concern on his face. He was asking permission. At that moment I loved Scott even more.

"It's about time. I'm ready."

He smiled before he lowered himself and kissed me hard. He used one hand to explore the rest of my body, the other one for support. My hands had a mind of their own and they craved to touch every inch of Scott possible. When Scott's lips reached my chest and centered on my nipple, I grabbed his shoulders and dug my nails into his skin. If I had long nails Scott probably would've started bleeding. He moved back up and captured my lips at the same time he pushed one finger inside me. I wasn't mentally prepared so I gasped, which kind of made me lose even more breath since Scott was on my mouth.

I had to break the kiss. "Lube. Second drawer."

I heard him open the drawer and get a couple of things. It only took seconds before his mouth was on me again, and a couple more before I felt his slick, cold fingers enter me. He thrusted slowly and did it a few times before he inserted a second finger. He gently stretched me and all I could do was let out a guttural sound. I'm not even sure if it was a moan. By the time his third finger was inside me I was on cloud nine. I was overwhelmed but I wanted more. No, I needed more.

"Scott. Inside me, please. I need you inside me." My words were breathy.

He pulled out his fingers and picked up the foil packet beside him. He ripped it open and rolled the condom over his cock. He positioned himself before penetrating me, slowly, inch by inch. He was looking at me the entire time, gauging my reaction. I bit my lip to stop myself from screaming. Pain was mixing with pleasure and it was intoxicating.

"You okay?"

I could barely speak. "Yes. God... yes."

He started thrusting, slowly at first. Then he picked up his pace. When my body had adjusted to him I started to match his thrusts. I wrapped my legs around his waist and put one hand on his shoulder. Scott eventually got a little rough until he was slamming into me. I reached for my cock and started stroking myself.

"Al... most... done. Fuck!" Scott yelled.

Scott's words were my undoing. A couple more strokes and I came all over his stomach and mine.

Scott collapsed on top of me, little beads of sweat on his forehead. He was panting and so was I. We stayed like that for a few moments before he pulled himself up. He looked at me with those blue eyes I adored so much.

"That was amazing."

"You're amazing."

He kissed me softly the lips before he slowly pulled out of me. He got off the bed and went to the bathroom. He came back a minute later, all cleaned up, condom gone. He handed me tissues and I cleaned myself up.

Scott lay beside me. He extended his arm and I lifted my head off the bed only to place it back on his chest. He pulled me into an embrace and I wrapped my arm around his waist.

"I love you, Mitch."

"I love you, too, Scottie."

A few minutes later I heard him softly breathing, and it didn't take long before sleep claimed me.

Scott's still sleeping beside me. I got up early because I wanted to surprise him with coffee and breakfast, but I only got as far as the bathroom before I realized how sore I was. I'll just wait for Scott to wake up.

I am so happy, so in love, and so thoroughly fucked. God, I love my life.


	13. Latch (Part 1)

**_"Got you shackled in my embrace. I won't let go of you. Never let go. I won't let go."_ **

\---

**September 1. 8:30 AM.**

It is a brand new month. I'm feeling positive. I'm feeling in love. I'm transforming into this mushy, gooey being - the kind of insanely in love person I bitched about. And I don't care. I feel great and I am not going to apologize for it.

I'm just waiting for Scott to wake up. I already did the coffee run (for a change). Left him this message on the sleeve: "Thank you for being my number one. I love you. xx"

The message kind of felt wrong, though. There wasn't a number two. He is my only one. Oh well, I couldn't erase it. Will try to think of a better message next time.

\---

**September 4. 8:10 AM.**

We both told our folks last night after dinner, via Skype. We were seated on the dining room table, me on the left and Scott on the right, while the laptop was on the table.

We first told my parents. Dad and Mom seemed happy about it. Mom was a peach, as always. Dad, on the other hand, was uber cute.

"Scott Richard Hoying, take very good care of my son, you hear me? You as much as pull one of his baby thin hairs. I swear to God... I. Will. Hunt. You. Down. I know where you live. I know where your parents live. I know -"

Scott and I were trying so hard not to laugh. "Dad, chill. We know you know a lot. Scott won't hurt me. Right, babe?" I looked at him and smiled sweetly.

"Yes," he replied, returning the smile. He then looked at the laptop screen and addressed my dad. "I promise, Mike... I mean, Mr. Grassi. I love your son and his heart is safe with me." Without warning, Scott picked up my right hand and brought it to his lips.

My cheeks burned and my chest literally hurt. I was dying from all the sweetness but I was so embarrassed at the same time. Scott didn't have to do that.

"Okay, kids, no need for a visual. Mitch, call me when you need anything. Anything, understand?"

"Yes, Dad, I will. Thank you and I love you! Also love you, Mom. Bye!"

"Love you, too, kiddo. Visit us soon!" He waved before the screen went black.

I turned to Scott, who was still holding my hand. "You're crazy. Why did you do that?"

He turned in his seat, moved closer, put my knees in between his, and held my hand tighter. "What? He needed to hear it, Mitchie. Plus everything I said was true." He brought my hand up to his lips, kissing my knuckles one at a time.

"You're tickling me! Stop." I tried to pull my hand away.

I don't know how Scott's mind interpreted what I just said because he pulled on my hand and started trailing kisses up my forearm. At the same time he caught my left hand and placed it behind my back, and he squeezed his knees to effectively hold me in place.

"I'm serious! I mean it!" I was writhing in my seat, though my attempts to break free from Scott were futile. He was too strong for me.

He reached the area opposite my elbow and started licking my skin. I didn't realize how sensitive that spot was. My body was torn between giving Scott my whole arm for him to play with (I was so turned on) and pulling it away from him because I was sadly very ticklish. How could Scott turn everything into some kind of foreplay? "S- stop... Babe..."

He paused. "Say that again." He raised his head only long enough to say those three words before he continued what he was doing.

"Stop..." If you heard me, you probably wouldn't have stopped either. My voice had no sense of conviction.

He did stop, but he put my right hand behind my back as well. Now both my hands were behind me. As if that wasn't enough, Scott crossed his feet behind my legs, further trapping me. I probably should have felt threatened, being held like that. Instead I was so aroused. These days I find myself getting turned on even by the simplest of things that Scott did. He made me so thirsty for him.

He leaned in until the tips of his lips were touching mine. "No, not that. The other one."

"I'm ser-"

He kissed me softly, effectively stopping me mid-word.

"Nope. The other one."

I looked at him, a little confused. "Babe?" It came out almost as a whisper.

He smiled. "So fucking sexy." He kissed me again, more passionately this time. He let go of my hands and they automatically went behind his neck. His stayed on the curve of my back.

"That's sexy? Me calling you babe? But I've called you that before," I said when we broke the kiss, my hands lingering on his nape.

"Never used it since we started dating, and definitely not as seductively as that."

Did I really change the way I called him babe? "Is that going to be like our term of endearment?"

"As long as I'm the only one you're calling 'babe'," he replied.

(Note to self: Don't call anyone else babe. Term now reserved for my boyfriend.) "You promise I'm also going to be your only babe?"

"I promise."

We grinned at each other like two crazy idiots. Happy idiots.

"We should seal the deal!" I proposed.

"I have just the idea." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oooh, I think I like your idea," I said eagerly. We started to get up but then we heard a ring. There was an incoming video call from Scott's parents. We kind of forgot we asked them to call. They were having connectivity issues when we first tried calling them 30 minutes earlier.

"Right, my parents." We sat down and talked to Scott's folks, sharing with them our news. I don't know if his parents noticed that we were kind of in a rush talking to them (haha). Like my parents they were very supportive. The call ended in less than 10 minutes.

Scott stood up and offered me his hand. "I believe we have a deal to seal."

I put my palm in his before standing up. "Oh, I most certainly believe that we do."

So that's what we did for the next hour. We sealed our deal. Twice. Our neighbors are probably wondering why I was screaming "babe" over and over.

We might have been sealing a deal last night but man do I feel so broken today. The good kind of broken. The only broken version of me that I like.

I hope I can walk straight by lunch. We're telling the rest of PTX today.


	14. Latch (Part 2)

_**"I'm latching on, babe. Now I know what I have found."** _

_**\---** _

**September 6. 10:05 AM.**

Now the rest of PTX know, as well as Jonathan, our manager, and Mama Bear Esther. We told them the other day.

It was funny how things went down. So we were at Kevin and Avi's, in their living room, eating the food Esther brought over. Our meeting had just concluded and everybody was kind of busy talking in small groups or tinkering with their phones.

Scott held my hand and squeezed it lightly. "Game time, babe?" he whispered.

"Uh huh," I nodded.

"Hey, guys," Scott raised his voice to call everybody's attention. "Mitch and I have an announcement to make."

All eyes and ears were on us when Kirstie suddenly blurted, "What, you're getting married?" Then everybody started laughing.

You have to understand. Scott and I, being the drama queens that we were, have used the we-have-an-announcement line before even for the simplest of stuff that it kind of became a joke within the group. It was probably a bad idea to have started with that.

Scott and I looked at each other. His cheeks were stained a light pink and I felt the blood warming my cheeks, too. "Uhm..." I said, turning back my attention to the group.

"Wait, are you serious?! Oh my god!" Kirstie covered her mouth with both hands as she gasped. There's a reason why she's our closest friend. She's a drama queen, too, just like me and Scott.

The laughing stopped and everybody's eyes darted between me and the blonde beside me.

"First of all, hold your horses. We're  _not_  getting married. Do you see a ring on this pretty finger?" I held my hand up, wiggling my ring finger. "No, he didn't put a ring on it."

"But," Scott interjected, "we are dating. We're officially a couple. Have been for a few weeks now, actually."

"Get the fuck out. Are you for real?" Jonathan spoke up.

"Is this another Superfruit prank? Are there hidden cameras or something?" Esther chimed in, looking around.

I looked at Scott. "Babe, I think they need proof."

Scott smirked. "Oh, you mean like this?" He cupped my cheeks with his palms and kissed me. Passionately. With tongue. Like he was a predator and I was the prey and he was going in for the kill. The kind of kiss where you automatically shut your eyes and kind of forget everything else around you.

I was a little dazed when Scott pulled back. I had to take a moment to breathe and wrap my head around what just happened.

"Babe, close your mouth. Kiss is over." Scott whispered, holding my chin.

"No shit." It was Kevin. His voice reminded me that we had company.

"Pay up, man," I heard Avi say to Kevin.

Kirstie stood up, squealing as she made her way to Scott and I. She hugged both of us at the same time. "You guys! I'm so happy for you!" She started squealing again.

"Thank you, Kitty Kat," Scott said, returning her hug.

I saw Kevin pulling out his wallet and handing a $100 bill over to Avi.

"Okay, what is going on there?"

Kevin and Avi looked at us. Avi held up the bill, either end on his fingertips. "Kevin and I kind of made a bet. I told him there was something going on between you two, and he didn't believe me."

_He knew?_

"How did you know?" Scott asked.

"I wasn't very sure at first but you two were different after Mitch's birthday. I'm used to observing you guys, and I don't know. There were little things. I can't think of anything specific right now, though," Avi replied.

"Should I feel bad? I didn't notice anything," Kirstie said.

"Of course not, Kitty. We  _did_  try to hide it. We didn't escape Mr. Bass's eagle eyes over there, apparently, but judging by your reactions I think Scott and I did a pretty good job," I responded.

"So what does this mean?" It was Esther's turn to react.

Scott and I looked at each other, then at Esther. "This means that... I love Mitch and he loves me -" He was interrupted by Kirstie squirming and silently screaming beside him. "Kirstie?"

"Oh my god, oh my god, sorry. It's just that you said you love Mitch and he loves you and oh my god this is real I can't believe it is actually happening oh gosh you guys are really together it makes me so excited and happy!" Kirstie's words came out of her mouth like a speeding train. I loved how happy she was for us. "Don't mind me. Sorry. Go on." She had a huge grin on her face. It was so adorable.

"As I was saying, this means we are together. If you're worried about our relationship fucking up the group, well, don't. We've gone through  _a lot_  over the last couple of years but we've always put our jobs first. You know that, right?"

"I do." She paused. "And you're both happy?"  _Oh, Esther. Ever the Mama Bear._

This time I answered. "We are, Mama Bear. We really are." I gazed lovingly at Scott.

"That's all I wanted to hear. Come here, lovebirds." She opened her arms and we walked towards her, embracing her at the same time.

"Group hug!" Kirstie yelled. She jumped her way to Esther, me and Scott. Kevin and Avi followed, and Jonathan was last to join us.

"Bitches, a little air, please? Mommy's getting squished!" I said a few moments later. We all stepped away from one another.

"Jonathan, thoughts?" Scott said when we were all seated again.

"I'm happy for you, guys. I really am. Just promise me that what you got going on stays between you two, okay? I don't want unnecessary drama during rehearsals, meetings, and most especially during shows. And no more torrid kisses! Save that for when you're alone. Got it?" He wasn't mad. I could hear the concern in his voice and I understood where he was coming from. Honestly I was kind of expecting him to say that.

"Yes," Scott and I said in chorus.

"I'm bringing out the champagne!" Kirstie yelled cheerfully.

"Uh, why? It's only 4 pm." I countered.

"To celebrate you and Scottie.  _Duh_." She said that as if what I just said was really stupid. "And don't even try to pretend that you think it's too early. You and Scott drink regardless of time of day!"

She was obviously exaggerating but I decided to shut my mouth.

Kirstie stood up and walked over to Avi. "Okay, so where do you keep your alcohol? I just realized I don't know."

Avi shook his head, laughing. "Follow me."

We spent the rest of the afternoon with them, drinking champagne and talking about all kinds of stuff.

So now we've told our loved ones the news. Scott and I were talking last night about telling the fans, and we both decided not to. I know a good number of them ship us. I've read the tweets, I've seen the edits on Tumblr, and I've read some of the fan fiction (I had to stop, it got too... graphic). I'm aware that they'd love to know that we're actually together, but it's... I don't know. There are days I still feel overwhelmed with the fact that I am a public figure and everything I do or say (or post) may be subject to interpretation and critique. It feels like putting the relationship out there and making it public will be too much. I love Scott and what I have with him. I love how things are right now. I guess I'm just not ready to share "us". Not yet.


	15. Latch (Part 3)

_**"You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down."** _

\---

**September 10. 4:30 PM.**

Scott has been sneezing the entire day. It's gross. He kinda looks like a reindeer, though. His nose is so red it's cute. Also, if you didn't know he was sick, you'd think he was going through a break-up. His bed is littered with tissues!

\---

**September 10. 9:00 PM.**

My baby seems to be getting worse. I just tucked him in bed. I offered to stay but he said he didn't want me catching the virus. Honestly, I don't want to get sick, too.

\---

**September 11. 10:00 AM.**

Scott definitely is worse. He could barely get up this morning. Despite that he was insistent on having Starbucks. I should've stood my ground but he was all, "Babe, I'm already sick. At least let me get happy food. Or happy drink. Please?" Then he was hugged and kept on kissing me on the cheek, jaw, neck (everywhere except my lips) until I said yes. I know, I'm a bad boyfriend but it's so hard to resist Scott Hoying!

\---

**September 11. 4:00 PM.**

Scott's hot. I mean like literally hot. Well he is also very hot in the other sense but that's not the point. He spiked a fever. His voice is starting to get raspy and he said he's aching all over. Coffee's not supposed to do that, right? Or was it my fault? I knew I shouldn't have given him coffee. He's sleeping now. He's been sleeping most day, actually. Must be the meds.

\---

**September 11. 9:40 PM.**

You know what I realized? I'm not that used to taking care of Scott. All these time he's been the one taking care of me. Very good care, actually, in certain aspects... if you catch my drift. I think I've done a pretty good job returning the favor in  _THAT_  part of our relationship, but I've mostly been so-so in other aspects. I mean we looked out for each other when we were just best friends, and we continue to do so now that we're boyfriends. But I've been thinking about the past few months, and it sort of dawned on me how Scott has done so much. The coffee runs, always doing what I want, respecting my decision to keep us a secret at the start, and other little things. All about me. Wow, I feel selfish.

It was my first time to cook for Scott earlier. Like the first time I cooked something for him. I sometimes cooked before, but that was more of a chore that we alternated doing simply because we had to eat and we can't just buy food all the time. But earlier, I  _chose_  to make him something because I wanted to. I wanted to take care of him. It was just chicken noodle soup but whatever. Am I getting my point across?

It was around 7 pm when I visited him in his room. I brought with me a full dinner tray, with soup, bread, and fruits, the works. He was curled up under the sheets like a giant fetus. I set the food on the bedside table and got on top of the covers. "Babe," I tapped his shoulder lightly. "Wake up. I brought you dinner."

He grunted then tried to curl up more. He really looked like a giant fetus.

"Come on, babe, I know you feel bad but you need to put something in your stomach."

More grunting.

I leaned over and whispered in his ear. "I'll even literally feed you. Just please sit up." I kissed his cheek and that's when I realized how hot he was. Nope, make that more than hot. "Woah, babe! You're burning!" I pressed the back of my hand to his forehead.  _Yep, very hot. "_ Did you take your medications like I said?"

"Mmmm... Not sure." His voice was barely audible.

I checked the bedside table and counted the pills.  _Shit._  He missed the last dose.  _God, I'm terrible._  I expected him to take it on his own. The least I could have done was make sure he took it on time.  _What kind of a best friend/boyfriend/roommate am I??_

"Scott. Richard. Hoying," I scolded, removing the covers from his body. "I know you feel like shit but skipping your meds is not helping. If you don't get up I will drag your sorry ass to the hospital. You hate needles, remember?" Looking back, I don't think I should have done that. He was sick and there I was, threatening him with needles.. Again, terrible boyfriend. 

"Noooo, no hospitals, no needles." He tried to retrieve the covers from me. I didn't budge. He turned in bed to face me before he wrapped his arms around my thighs and buried his face on the side of my waist. "Just you, please. Need my baby... Babe only," he murmured.

Even his arms felt hot - the uncomfortable and worrisome kind of hot. I ran my finger down his cheek. "I promise no hospital if you eat and drink your meds." I pried his arms off me and helped him to a sitting position. Man, was it hard. He was practically dead weight. I managed to lift his upper body off the bed and rested it against the headboard. I grabbed the glass of water and the pills. "Scottie, babe, you need to drink this. I am really starting to get worried." 

He opened his eyes a little bit. He took the pill and glass from me, and drank the medication. "Can I go back to sleep now?" He started to lazily slide down the bed.

I had to put my arms underneath his pits and pushed him up. "No, no, not yet. Meds and food, remember? Unless you want the hospital." As I'm writing this I feel conflicted. Was what I did bad? I think I sounded like this mother more than his boyfriend.

"My body's achy. Don't want to move." He whined.

"I'll feed you. You need to eat, please."

"Fine." He closed his eyes and opened his mouth.

I hastily grabbed the tray from the bedside table, placed it on top of him, and scooped a spoonful of soup. I lightly blew on it a couple of times before placing the spoon near his mouth. "Here, babe, I made soup for you."

Scott abruptly closed his mouth and his eyelids flew open. "You made soup?  _For me?_ "

The tone of his voice made me want to feel insulted. But Scott had a point. The most I did for him when he got sick before, which was a very long time ago (he's such big healthy boy) was buy him food. "Yes, I made you food. Less talking, more eating. Open your mouth."

"Won't I get poisoned?" His eyebrows were furrowed. For someone who was really sick he still managed to joke around.

"No, but I mixed a little bit of love potion," I couldn't help but joke with him.

He looked at me, his facial features softening. "That won't work."

I raised an eyebrow and put the spoon down. "How sure are you? For all you know I put some spell or whatever so that you'd be stuck with me forever."

He smiled. "Babe," he said, grabbing my hand and locking it in between his fingers. "I'm sure because I already love you. I love you as my best friend and I love you as my boyfriend. You have half my heart and I  _want_  to be stuck with you. Forever." 

That was unexpected. "The virus must be getting to your brain. You're delirious!"

Scott sat up more properly. He used his free hand to tilt my chin up and softly planted a kiss on my lips. "I want you." Another kiss. "I love you." And another. "I need you, Mitch."

"You're gonna get me sick." It was a stupid, I repeat,  _stupid_ thing to say at that moment. I don't even know why I said that.

Scott frowned. Of course he frowned.He was getting all cheesy and mushy and I was more concerned about myself.  _Why am I such a terrible boyfriend?_ I tried to remedy the situation. "Scott, I want you and I love you and I need you, too. You know that, right?" I kissed the side of his lips. "And I am going to need you for a very long time so you have to be healthy." I planted a kiss on the other side. "Eat, please?"

He sighed. "Okay."

I scooped another spoonful and served it to him. "Incoming train!"

Scott finally smiled again. He opened his mouth and ate the soup. It took a while but he ended up finishing the whole bowl. He also ate the bread and a couple of slices of orange. All the time I was feeding him a part of me was happy that I was taking care of him. I don't want him sick, but it was an opportunity for me to take care of Scott and I was happy I had it. Does that make sense?

Anyway, it didn't take long before Scott fell asleep again after eating. This time I insisted I stayed. His head was resting on my lap earlier but he turned to the other side and tried to curl up and make himself small. I attempted to spoon him but it was rather difficult (I've always been the little spoon). I was also having a hard time sleeping since it's still early. 

His fever seems to be improving. I hope he wakes up feeling better tomorrow.

\---

**September 12. 10:20 AM.**

Scott is a man child. I know I've said that before but I have to say it again. Scott is a naughty man child.

He seemed a little better when he woke up this morning. His fever had gone down and his nose was less stuffy, although his voice was still hoarse. I told him he should take a shower to help release the heat from his body.

"I won't shower unless you're in there with me." He was back to hugging my legs and nuzzling my waist.

"Babe, I think you can manage on your own."

"But I'm still too weak! You need to help me. What if my knees get wobbly and I fall down? Or slip and hit my head on the floor? And it'd be a chore just trying to reach my back. Plus -"

"Okay, okay! Stop talking already and preserve your voice."

I felt him kiss my waist. "Will you carry me?"

"WHAT? Why will I do that?! The bathroom's only a few steps away! And you're  _heavy_!" 

He hugged me tighter. "Changed my mind. No more shower for me." He was still talking even though he barely made any sound.

"Unreal." I rolled my eyes. "Fine." I got up and stood at the edge of the bed, my back to him. "I can only do piggy back. Can't carry you bride style." It only took a couple of seconds before Scott was riding me. 

If the bathroom was a couple more feet farther I think I would've broken my back. Good thing Scott got down as soon as we stepped inside. He put down the toilet seat cover and sat on the bowl. He raised both his hands up.

"What?" I asked.

He just wiggled his hands in the air. 

 _Oh, he wants me to take this top off._ I didn't want to argue anymore so I did as he asked.

As soon as his shirt was off he pointed to his sweatpants.

It was faster if I didn't question him so I pulled him to a standing position before pulling down his sweatpants along with his briefs.

Scott stood naked in front of me. He pointed to my clothes.

"No."

He poked my chest and then poked my thighs.

"No."

He grabbed the hem of the my shirt and started taking it off of me.

"Fine fine fine fine fine." I removed my top. I didn't wait for him to undress me of my shorts, too, so I also removed it.

Scott smiled, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shower. 

Then we showered together. And I realized what he really meant when he said he needed help. So I helped him release... some heat. Some stuff.

We took longer in the shower than necessary. By the time we were through, Scott's temperature started going up again.

 _I know._  Bad boyfriend.

\---

**September 14. 10:15 PM.**

It took a couple of days but Scott's finally okay. No more fever, no more colds, and he's gotten most of his voice back.

\---

**September 15. 11:55 AM.**

I have been sneezing all morning!

\---

**September 16. 8:00 AM.**

Woke up with a heavy head.

Just checked. Yep, I have a fever.

I hate it when I'm sick!

But then again... ha. Payback time.


	16. Latch (Part 4)

_**"If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down."** _

\---

**September 16. 12:00 PM.**

Just like that, the roles have shifted. Scott has been playing nurse to me all morning, taking care of everything he thinks I need. Beside my bed is a tray of food and water and medications. Honestly I don't have much of an appetite but I have to get better soon. I  _need_  to! Note to self: take meds round the clock.

\---

**September 16. 8:00 PM.**

This getting sick thing is really growing on me. The timing's bad but boy, do I love the perks.

Scott came into my room earlier. I woke up from my nap when he sat down on the bed and placed the back of his hand on my forehead.

"Hey, gorgeous. I'm sorry I woke you up. How are you feeling?"

"Still pretty bad."

"You don't seem so hot."

"I don't?" I frowned.

He bent down and kissed me lightly on the lips. "You know what I mean."

"Shouldn't we NOT be kissing? The virus is just going to travel back and forth between us."

"Maybe it will. But I cannot NOT kiss you. That's too hard." 

"You're right. Maybe... you can kiss me elsewhere?" Even in sickness I wanted to flirt.

Scott's eyes widened and he smiled playfully. "Go on, I'm listening."

Then it hit me that I wanted to actually get better and play time with Scott was probably not going to help. "Oh, nevermind. I should rest. Big day tomorrow, right?"

"Not a big deal. And don't change the subject. Let's go back to the kissing elsewhere thing?" He slid down the bed and lay sidewards to face me, propping his head on his fisted hand.

"Babe, I want to kiss you. All the time. But now is probably not a good idea. I seriously don't want you getting sick again. And I need to rest. Like rest,  _rest._ "

HIs smile disappeared for a second but Scott was quick to recover. "Then I'll rest with you."

"Sandra -"

"No, I'm staying. End of discussion."

If I was being completely honest, I loved that Scott was there with me. His presence alone made me feel better. I turned my back to him but scooted backwards, allowing Scott to spoon me. I was a little sleepy from the medications so I shut my eyes and soon I drifted to sleep.

Correction, I  _tried_  to sleep but I couldn't since I felt Scott's lips on the back of my neck while his fingers were making small circles on my hips. 

"Baaaabbeeeee." I whined.

He removed his lips from my nape. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Go to sleep." He hugged me tight.

So I tried to go to sleep. But I couldn't. Scott was only still for a while before he started playing with the hem of my shirt.

"How can I sleep when you're doing that?"

"I'm not even kissing you." His mouth was so close to my neck I could feel his breath.

"But you're playing with my shirt."

"Then take it off so I don't get distracted. Maybe it'll help bring your temperature down."

"You and your excuses to get me naked, Mr. Hoying." I chuckled. "I feel a little hot but I know I'll feel cold if the shirt is off. So it's not going anywhere."

"Come on," he tugged on the hem. "I'll keep you warm. We can go under the covers if it gets too cold."

I sighed. I didn't feel like putting up a fight. "Fine, but I'm not going shirtless alone."

"How did you think I was going to keep you warm?" Even though I couldn't see his face I knew he was grinning.

Scott sat up and helped me sit up as well. He took off my top before removing his. We lay back down and he scooped me into his arms again before pulling the covers on top of us. His skin was warm against my skin and it was surprisingly comfortable.

I was starting to doze off when I felt Scott's palm moving across my waist. I thought that if I pretended to be asleep, Scott would stop. I was wrong. His hand traveled down until his thumb was on the waistband of my boxers and the tips of his fingers were resting on my crotch. I stayed still, hoping he would stop (to be honest only a little part of me wanted him to stop). He palmed me through the cloth and started a slow massage. It only took a short while before it became obvious that my body didn't want him to stop.

"I think this," he said as he lightly pulled on the waistband of my boxers, "should go, too. It's very distracting."

"I think," I said, removing his hand, "you should let me sleep."

He pressed his body closer to mine. "This," he whisphered as he pulled down my boxers and grabbed my now hard length, "is telling me you don't really want to sleep."

I held him by the wrist. "But I do."

"No." He started slowly stroking me. "You. Don't."

I kept my hand on his wrist but I didn't stop him. "I'm not going to get any rest, am I?"

"You will soon." He placed soft kisses on my shoulder while his hand continued moving up and down. "Just let me take care of you."

I could feel Scott's erection pressing against my ass. I tried to reach back but he caught my hand in between my hips and his arm. 

" _I'm_ taking care of you." He started kissing the side of my neck at the same time he started moving his hips, his hardness rubbing against my bum. His hand gripped me tighter, and he worked my length like a screw, twisting while moving up and down. 

I let out a breathy "babe..." 

Scott swirled his thumb on the tip of my penis several times, removing the bead of fluid that had come out.

"Oh, god." I was close.

Scott mercilessly stroked me while he dry humped my backside. When he gently bit me on the shoulder, it sent me over the edge.

"Fuck!" I silently screamed as I found my release.

Scott planted another kiss on my shoulder before getting out of bed. I lay on my back and pulled up my boxers. I kept my eyes closed, taking slow deep breaths.

After a few minutes Scott came back. If I had to guess, he took care of himself in the bathroom. 

I opened my eyes when he kissed me softly on the lips. Scott was seated on the side of the bed, looking at me. "How was that supposed to help me again?"

"Well, you did that for me when I was sick and it helped me get better after. So I thought I'd do the same for you." Scott said before giving me a wink. "Here." He handed me tissues.

I cleaned up before closing my eyes again. "I'm tired."

"I'm sure you are, Maria. Now sleeping time. For real." He lay beside me before patting his chest.

I placed my head near his heart and wrapped my arm around his waist. "Shouldn't we put our shirts back on?"

"I like the feel of your skin on mine. Are you cold?"

"A little."

Scott pulled the sheets over us and hugged me tighter. "Better?"

"Uh-huh."

"Good. Sleep tight, Elmo. I love you."

"Thank you, Cookie Monster. I love you, too."

I fell asleep shortly after that. When I woke up Scott was still sleeping. I had to wake him up because I knew he had plans for the night. His sister was in town and they made dinner plans. I was supposed to come with them but I decided to take a rain check. I definitely needed more rest.

I hope he doesn't come back soon. I need more time to prepare.


	17. Rather Be (Part 1)

**_"As long as I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be."_ **

\---

**September 18. 9:00 AM.**

Yesterday was generally a success, albeit a few mishaps. The smile on Scott's face was priceless and I know that I did well. 

I waited for him to come home from his dinner the other night. I wanted to be the first one to personally greet him a happy birthday. I sat on the couch and watched TV to pass the time. I was feeling better compared to when I woke up that morning, but I still wasn't in top shape. I took my meds round the clock in the hopes of getting better faster. By 11:30 PM my eyelids were already heavy. I decided to take a nap and set an alarm for 11:55 PM, just in case Scott still wasn't home.

I woke up not to the sound of my phone's alarm but to soft lips gently kissing me.

"Babe, wake up." Scott whispered in my ear.

I squinted and took a second to orient myself. "Hey, you're back!" I reached for my phone and checked the time. "What? It's 1 AM already?" I suddenly sat up, my head now on the same level as Scott's. "I missed the start of your birthday." I pouted and frowned.

"Mitchie, it's okay. Don't sweat it." He smiled. 

"But -"

Scott put a finger to my lips. "It's no big deal. We still have 23 hours to go."

I already screwed up the first thing I wanted to do for his birthday but I didn't want it to ruin my mood so I put on the biggest smile. "Happy birthday, my Scottie." I cupped his face before leaning in and giving him a kiss. "I love you."

"I like the sound of that.  _My Scottie._ " He grinned before planting a kiss on my lips. "Thank you,  _my_ Mitchie. And I love you, too."

"Wait, let me get you my gift."

"Present time already? I like presents!" Scott excitedly clapped his hands.

I stood up from the couch. "It's only my first gift. Don't expect too much. Close your eyes."

Scott did as I said. "Oooh, there's more than one!"

I disappeared into the kitchen and got him my first present (sort of). It was a bunch of cake pops with a letter each, spelling "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SC<3TT". The last one had the design of his favorite emoji. I walked back to the couch, sat opposite Scott and said, "Happy birthday, babe. Open your eyes." 

Scott may be 6'3" tall and 23 years old but he is a child at heart. His smile was so adorable when he saw what I had for him. "Oooh, cake pops! It's so cute, babe! I love it!"

"Do the honors." I handed him the cake pop with the heart on it.

"Let's take a photo first." He brought out his phone, held the stick with a heart in between our faces, and snapped a photo. "The heart's perfect." He beamed. "Let's do one more." He faced me, put one side of the cake pop on his lips, and leaned in. I mirrored what he did and Scott took a photo. He looked so satisfied. "We're so cute."

"That we are," I replied.

Scott put down his gift on the coffee table then pulled me into an embrace. "Thank you for so many things, but most especially thank you for making me happy."

"You make me a very happy man, Scott." I said, hugging him back.

"Bed time?" He had  _the look_  and I knew exactly what he meant.

"Yes, bed time. Sleepy time. Actual sleep."

He frowned.

"No hanky panky tonight, mister."

"But it's my birthday!"

I knew he was going to play the birthday card so I played the sick card. "And it still will be for the next 22 and a half hours. I still feel a little under the weather. Let me recharge tonight, and then we'll see tomorrow."

I saw the disappointment on his face. "Fine. Cuddle time then?"

That I could give him. "Of course."

"Naked cuddle time?" He smirked.

"I think maybe I will sleep in my room tonight."

"I was kidding! Okay, cuddle time only." He stood up and extended his hand to me. "Shall we?"

I put my hand in his and got up from the couch. "We shall, birthday boy."

And then we headed to his room and cuddled. It didn't take long before I fell asleep.

I woke up the following morning earlier than Scott did (thank God). I slipped out of bed as quietly as possible. Scott stirred but continued to sleep.

Thankfully the meds seemed to have worked. I felt like 90% better. I changed clothes and walked my way to Starbucks, singing softly to myself as I did. I bought our usual orders and headed back home. I planned to prepare a nice food tray for Scott and serve him breakfast in bed. I had a huge smile on my face as I entered the apartment, which quickly went away when I saw Scott already sitting by the kitchen counter. Of all the days, he had to wake up early on that day.  _Why, universe?_

"Hey, babe," Scott said as he walked towards me.

I stepped forward and met him halfway. I was disappointed that things weren't going as planned but I managed to still smile widely. "Good morning, Prince Charming. You're up early."

He stopped when he was a few inches away from me. "Good morning," he said as he wrapped his arms around my waist. "My phone kept on buzzing and I got a couple of calls." He leaned in and I expected a quick kiss, but was surprised to be welcomed with a long, literally breath-taking one. "I missed waking up next to you this morning."

"I got you these," I raised my hands, showing him what I just purchased.

"I take it you feel better already?"

"Better than yesterday."

"That's good to know. So shall we eat?"

"Uh huh," I nodded. "Uhm, I wanted to give you breakfast in bed but you're already up. You still want to eat in your room?"

"Sure. Sounds lovely."

We went into Scott's room and ate our breakfast there while talked about our plans for the day. Then we got ready (took a little longer than necessary because he insisted we shower together) and spent the rest of the morning doing PTX duties. We did a couple of interviews before having lunch with the group. It was an intimate lunch organized by Mama Bear Esther. We were eating, chatting animatedly and laughing until I had to break the fun.

I touched Scott's thigh, leaned in and whispered, "Babe, I'm gonna go outside for a while to get fresh air."

He looked at me, concern etched on his beautiful face. "Are you okay?"

I smiled weakly. "I'm fine."

"Mitch." He grabbed my hand, his voice more stern.

"Okay, a little dizzy. It's nothing. I just need to go outside."

"I'm coming with you."

I squeezed his hand. "This is your birthday lunch. You should enjoy it. I'll be back in a few minutes." I stood up, excused myself, and headed outside. As expected, it took only a minute or so before Scott was beside me.

"Melissa," he whispered as he put a hand behind my back. "Tell me what's wrong."

I sighed. "I'm a little tired, I guess. That was a long morning. And I..." I put a hand to my mouth as I dry vomited.

"Hey," he rubbed my back. "Let's go back inside. You need to sit down. I'll get you some water."

"No, it's fi-" I grabbed onto Scott's arm as I swayed sideways and nearly fell to the ground. 

"Woah, babe."

I love how strong Scott's arms are.

"Mitch, you're not okay."

"I am. I just..." My hand flew to my mouth again, my other hand clutching my stomach.

I felt Scott pull me tighter against his side, supporting me. "You're  _not okay_ , okay?" He started escorting me back to the restaurant.

I saw the concerned looks on everybody's faces as we were nearing our table. Good thing the place was nearly empty except for our party. When we were only a meter or two away, that's when my knees gave in and I heard shouting.

I was aware that Scott carried me to the car, and that we were on our way to the hospital with Esther. She was driving and Scott was beside me. I kept my eyes and mouth shut. When we were at the entrance of the emergency room, I decided to speak up.

"Scott," I looked at him. "There's no need for us to go here. I'll be fine. Let's go home."

"You fainted, Mitch. You're definitely not fine. We're going inside."

"But you hate hospitals. I don't want to drag you here, especially not on your birthday. Maybe Esther can stay with me. I'll meet you back home."

"Are you kidding me? I am not leaving your side." I felt him hug me tighter.

"But there'll be needles and blood and other things you don't like."

"This is not up for discussion, Mitch. I will go crazy at home if you're here. Screw all those scary things. I can always just look at you if I get queasy."

"You're sure?" 

"Yes, I am." He squeezed my hand.

An attendant opened the car door and helped me to a wheelchair. Thankfully the emergency department only had a few patients. I was placed on the far end of the ED, and the curtains gave us enough privacy. Scott stayed with me the whole time. He answered a couple of the doctor's questions. He held my other hand when they took blood and when they inserted an IV heplock for the meds. Everything took about 2 hours. My blood work came back clean. I was prescribed a couple of medications and was allowed to go home. Esther had to leave before we were through so we had to grab a cab on the way home.

"I'm hungry," I said to Scott. "Can we pass by McDonald's first?"

"I'd rather we go home, Stephanie. We can always have the food delivered."

"But I want to eat now." I whined.

Scott rolled his eyes. "Fine." He gave the driver instructions to drive thru at the McDonald's near our home.

When we were almost there, I spoke up again. "Can we just buy food inside? I really need to pee. We'll get the food faster that way, too."

"We're almost home, Sara. Can't you hold?" I could hear the exasperation in his voice.

"I'll be fast, I promise."

"I'm going with you. You might faint again."

I expected Scott to say that.

We eventually arrived at McDonald's. I stepped inside, Scott following closely behind me.

"Go order for us. You know what I want. I'll be right with you in a minute or two," I said before turning to leave Scott.

I took my time. I felt my phone vibrate and saw that Scott was already calling me but I chose to ignore it. I stayed where I was, knowing he was going to come look for me.

Scott had come into and gone out of the restroom, worry on his face, take out on his hands.

"Psst," I hissed.

Scott turned around and saw that I was standing by the door of a function room, a few feet away from where he was.

"There you are! Why aren't you answering your phone? I was worried!" He said as he walked his way to me.

"I saw an old friend so I decided to say hi. He's inside. You should come say hi, too."

"We should be heading home. You need to rest, remember?" He was starting to sound like my mom.

"It'll take a second. Just say hi," I grabbed him by the arm.

"One minute then we're leaving, okay?"

I didn't bother responding.

As soon as Scott stepped inside, everybody in the room yelled "SURPRISE" in chorus. Scott looked very much confused and surprised. "What..." He turned to me.

"Surprise, babe," I said softly before smiling sweetly at him.

"You did this?" He had a perplexed look on his face.

"I did."

"Oh..." That was all he could say. "But we can't stay. I need to get you home."

"I might have exaggerated a little bit..." I said coyly.

Scott's eyes slowly widened as he realized what I had done. "You... Oh god. All that... You weren't really..." I wasn't sure if he was more angry or relieved.

"I'm sorry, I had to." I leaned in and whispered, "You can punish me later." I smiled at him, my eyes pleading for him to let it go. "Your guests are waiting. Let's go say hi." 

Kirstie was the first to step forward and envelope Scott in an embrace. "Happy birthday, love!" 

"Did you know about this?" Scott said as he hugged Kirst.

"All of us at lunch knew, Scottie. That's why we didn't panic so much when Mitch fake fainted." She smirked.

"Oh, you're bad!" Scott was starting to smile.

"CATS training paid off." She giggled.

A few other people started coming up to us, greeting Scott warmly and giving him hugs. There were only a number of guests aside from PTX, Esther and Jonathan. I saw that a couple of our friends made it, like Tyler, Ryan, Mario and a few others. Scott's sisters, Lauren and Lindsay, were also there. 

Long story short, we had a kiddie party for Scott. We played games, danced with the mascot, and took lots of photos. He seemed like he had fun and had temporarily forgotten what I did.

And that is only one half of the day. More happened after that, but I need to go. Rehearsals start in 2 hours. I'll probably write about it tomorrow or when I have more time. We're so busy these days!


	18. Rather Be (Part 2)

**_"As long as I am with you, my heart continues to beat."_ **

\---

**September 19. 10:00 PM.**

So... Scott's birthday. Where was I? Right, the surprise party at McDonald's. That was fun. We wore party hats, played kiddie games, ate burger and chicken, and danced with the mascot. Scott had a cake with 23 little blue candles. Everybody also went home with loot bags filled with toys (which, let's be real, they will have no use for; but it was a kiddie party and that had to be done).

Avi had driven Scott's car from the restaurant to McDonald's. We were inside and I was waiting for Scott to start the car while I fixed the contents of my bag.

"Mitchell." He still hadn't started the engine. He was looking straight ahead, his eyebrows were a little furrowed, and both his hands were gripping the steering wheel.

 _Shit. He's mad. I went too far. I shouldn't have pushed through with the hospital charade._  "Yes, babe?" I asked, my voice trying to hide my fear. 

He faced me and blue eyes bore through mine. "Are you really okay?" he asked warily, his voice laced with concern. 

At that moment I felt really guilty for what I put him through. I reached for his right hand and brought it to my cheek. "Scott... Babe, I am. I really am. I mean I'm not 100% okay and I still feel a little tired, that much is real. And I was really sick. But the vomiting and the fainting, those weren't. The IV really hurt, though." I smiled weakly.

He let out a deep sigh before he pulled me into a tight embrace. I felt his shoulders slump. "I was so scared. You were okay this morning and then you were not, and you fainted in my arms. I didn't even notice that I was the only one panicking so much." He pulled away and brought his hands to my cheeks and kissed me hard and long until we were both out of breath.

"Wow." The kiss was amazing I had to say it out loud. "I should probably get sick more often if I get to have more kisses like that."

Scott looked at me, no sign of amusement on his face.

"Too soon? Sorry."  _Bad joke, Mitch._  "We should head home," I said, changing the subject.

A smile spread across his face. "I agree. I haven't had you to myself long enough today." He let go of me and faced front, wore his seatbelt and started the engine.

We pulled into our apartment a couple of minutes later. I went out of the car in a hurry.

"Marcy, wait for me!" Scott yelled.

I didn't wait for him. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect. I entered the apartment and closed the door behind me.

"Michelleeeee, what is the matter with you? Why did you close the -" He stopped in his tracks as soon as he opened the door.

I watched as his face transformed from irritated to shocked to awed. "Surprise, love."

"Mitch..." He gaze went from me, to the living room, then back to me again. "This... how..." He took a couple of steps to the couch before turning around. "But you were with me the whole day!"

"I asked Claudia to help me." I closed the distance between us. "I hope you love it." I put my hands on his back as I looked at him expectantly.

"I have a feeling there's more but as it is, I love it already. Thank you for all these, my Mitchie," he said as he mirrored what I did and put his hands on my back. He leaned down and his lips captured mine. The kiss was gentle at first. I could feel Scott's smile as he planted one small kiss after another before he nibbled on my lower lip. Then Scott's hands wandered down to my ass and his hips pressed against mine at the same time he claimed my mouth, hungrily this time.

I opened my mouth to protest but instead of words, a low groan came out. I felt Scott's fingers digging into my ass through my jeans. His lips traveled downwards to the side of my neck before he settled for the dip in between my collarbones. At that moment I was so tempted to drag him to my room and fuck his brains out (or more accurately, let  _him_  fuck  _my_ brains out) but I didn't want what I had prepared to go to waste. So I put my hands on his chest and pushed him gently. "Babe, wait..."

He lifted his head but didn't say a word. I could see that his eyes were filled with lust and I knew that if I didn't move fast, he'd be all over me again. And I also knew that it would be very hard for me to resist him. "Let's sit." I stepped back but took his hand and led him to the center of the living room.

The coffee table had been moved to the side and several blankets were placed on top of our rug. A couple of new matching throw pillows were also loosely placed. In the center was a bucket with ice and red wine, while beside it was 2 wine glasses and a box of chocolate-coated strawberries. Scattered all around the room were jasmine-scented candles placed in stained glass containers. On the ceiling were balloons all tied together.

I sat on one of the pillows and Scott sat opposite me. I opened the wine and poured each of us a glass. All the while I said nothing. Scott remained quiet, too, and he just observed me. I handed him his glass before I finally spoke.

"Babe, I've known you more than half of my life and the last few weeks have been the absolute best I have spent with you." I was so happy that everything was finally falling into place and that I was pulling off my surprise. "Happy, happy birthday, Scott." Waterworks were threatening to escape my eyes. "I love you so much." A tear fell despite my efforts to hold it in. I chuckled lightly as I wiped it away. "I kind of expected myself to be emotional so here..." I reached into my pocket and handed him a safety pin.

He accepted it with a confused look on his face. "What's this for?"

"It's for the balloons."

He looked up before turning his gaze back to me. "I just realized... there weren't any balloons at the party earlier!"

I let out a little laugh. "I had a different plan for them that's why I didn't want any balloons at the party."

He raised the pin in his hand. "So I need to pop them?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You'll see why." I reached for the string of the one of the balloons and separated it from the rest. I pulled it downwards and handed it to Scott. "Here you go."

He took the balloon from me and heard something move inside. "What's that?"

"Find out for yourself."

He held the balloon on one side and stretched his hand away from us before piercing it with the pin. It gave a rather loud sound. "Woah." He brought the now popped balloon near his face as he tried to retrieve what was inside. He found a piece of powder blue paper and unrolled it. 

 ** _"I love the way your hand perfectly fits mine. Even a little squeeze makes me feel that everything will be alright."_  **I had handwritten the message.

His expression changed from curious to... I don't know, surprised? "Mitch..." he whispered. He started to move closer to me.

I held up a hand to stop him. "There's more where that came from."

He kneeled and reached for another string before sitting on his heels. He popped the balloon and retrieved the paper inside.

**_"I love sleeping next to you at night. I sleep more soundly when I fall asleep in your arms and I hear the beating of your heart."_ **

He grabbed a couple more balloons and burst them one after the other, silently reading the messages. I leaned from time to time to see which paper he had. I had memorized the words on each strip by heart.

**_"I love your voice. I love the way you sing, especially when you belt it out and do those riffs. And I also love hearing the way you say my name, call me nicknames, and call me babe."_ **

**_"I love how you know me inside out, how you know me better than I know myself. I love the fact that you already know what I'm thinking even if I don't say anything."_ **

**_"I love waking up next to you, whether from a nap or from a full night's sleep. I always feel much better when your face is the first thing I see."_ **

**_"I love how passionate you are about what we do. Your enthusiasm is contagious and you inspire me to do my best every time."_ **

**_"I love that you are a child at heart. That's one of the things I love most about you, to be honest. You never make me forget to enjoy the simple things."_ **

I could see that Scott's eyes were starting to water but he was smiling widely. He popped more of the balloons.

**_"I love it when you lock me in your embrace. In your arms is where I feel safest."_ **

**_"I love that you respect my privacy and my boundaries, that you don't push when you don't think I'm ready."_ **

**_"I love how patiently you always wait for me, especially when I'm trying to look pretty."_ **

**_"I love the way you smell. Your after-shower scent is the one I like best."_ **

**_"I love how you dance especially when you're drunk. I think it's hot."_ **

He laughed at the last one. He got more balloons.

**_"I love your family. I feel like I've gained another set of parents and two more sisters."_ **

**_"I love the fact that you love coffee as much as I do. Going to Starbucks with you or for you is one of my favorite activities."_ **

**_"I love that you're an amazing and selfless friend. You have, countless times, put your friends' interests first. I know that Kitty, Kev and Avi will agree with me."_ **

**_"I love doing Superfruit with you. It's always a blast, even if we have to do it in a hotel room, when we're jet-lagged, or when we're exhausted."_ **

**_"I love how you make me laugh. I may be biased but I think your jokes are extremely funny. The inside jokes are the best because I get to laugh when nobody else does."_ **

He was grinning like a little child.

**_"I love the way you kiss me, the way you explore every inch of my body with your lips. I love how you can make me feel sexy and wanted without having to say anything."_ **

**_"I love that you take care of me in all kinds of ways."_ **

**_"I love how down to earth you are despite all that we've accomplished. You keep me grounded."_ **

**_"I love how you're always hungry - for food and for me."_ **

**_"I love sharing the apartment with you. Living away from home hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be because I know that at the end of the day, I'm coming home to you."_ **

He had gone through all the balloons except one. It was the lone red balloon amongst all the blue. He had a confused look on his face when he popped it and saw that it had nothing inside. "There's nothing in here."

I had managed to compose myself during the time he was reading all the messages. "That's because..." I lifted the box of chocolates and got a coffee cup sleeve from underneath it. "This is the last one, and I wanted to write the last message here."

He took the sleeve from me. It was the first of many he gave me, the one from after Valentines. On it was written, "Just wanted to remind you that you deserve better. - Spongebob". He smiled when he read it. "I remember this one."

"Turn it over."

My handwriting was barely legible because there was so much I wanted to tell him in that sleeve. This was what I wrote down:

**_"There's so much more I love about you but I wanted to pick 23 things. So here goes the last one. I love that you took the risk._ _I love that you fought your fears._ _I love that I finally get to call you mine._ _I love that we're back together after 7 long years. You kept telling me I deserved better, and I now I know that I do. But I'm lucky to have gotten not just better. I'm blessed to have the best - and that is you. I love you so much, Scott. Happy Birthday."_ **

I was looking at Scott the entire time, watching his reaction. When he finished reading he looked at me. "Happy birthday," I told him again. "I hope you loved it."

The kiss that followed was my answer. I don't even know how to describe it. All I remember is how it made me feel - and that was very much appreciated, loved, and happy. 

"Mitch... thank you. I love you." That was all he said before he captured my lips again.

Seconds later my back was on the floor. Scott was straddling my hips and his lips were exploring my neck, just the way I loved to be kissed. At some point I told him that we had to make a toast and that I had strawberries but he said that those could wait.

His lips barely left my skin as we made his way to his room while his hands worked to remove every piece of clothing that I had. 

He pushed me to the bed as he undid the zipper of his pants. That was when he saw my gift for him - my actual gift, beside his bed. It was a vinyl record player with the Beyonce record sitting atop the bedside table. He looked so ecstatic I was afraid he'd leave me hanging to go check out his new toy. "Mitchell, you didn't..."

I smiled sweetly at him. "Oh, but I did."

In a couple of seconds all of his clothes were on the floor and he had climbed on top of the bed. He put his hands of either side of my head as he hovered above me while his hips sat directly on top of mine. "I guess thank yous are in order."

"I believe they are."

"I know one way you want to be thanked." The lust in his eyes was unmistakable.

"Really? How?" I put my hands on his shoulders.

"Like this." He lowered himself and kissed me.

And for the rest of the night he showed me just how grateful he was. 

Best Scott's birthday ever. 


	19. Chapter 19

**_"We're a thousand miles from comfort. We have traveled land and sea."_ **

\---

**September 25. 10:00 PM.**

We leave for our Asian tour tomorrow morning and I haven't packed. Well, I tried to earlier but Scott, being the child that he was, decided to hide a couple of my things. 

I'm excited! I haven't been to any of the countries we're visiting.

\---

**September 27. 8:00 AM.**

Jet-lag sucks. It's the one thing I hate about going on tour. But hey, I welcome myself to Korea!

\---

**September 28. 12:15 AM.**

Wow. That was an amazing show! Sooo many fans came to see us!

Now one of the best parts I like about going on tour - sharing a room with Scott. 

Speaking of, he just walked out of the shower. He's still dripping wet, the towel's hanging so low and

\---

**September 28. 7:00 AM.**

Long day ahead. We're doing a couple more interviews and then we're flying to Singapore tonight.

Oh, I didn't get to finish my entry last night cause I was drooling over after-shower Scott and then he saw me and he climbed on top of me and he kind of threw away the iPad and he got me wet and yeah... basically why the entry was unfinished. 

He's up. Time for coffee!

\---

**September 28. 11:30 PM.**

Touchdown Singapore. We're doing 3 shows here starting tomorrow night. I'm excited!

I should be sleeping soon but I still have to figure out a way to make space for myself. Scott fell alseep in his starfish position and has practically claimed the whole bed. Wrong move to have asked for a single king bed compared to our usual two queens.

\---

**October 1. 7:30 AM.**

Good morning, October!

It's our last day in SG. Can't wait for the last leg of this tour!!!

\---

**October 2. 1:00 PM.**

KON'NICHIWA, JAPAN! #LOVESIT

\---

**October 2. 11:30 PM.**

I like nice bathrooms.

I like shower sex in nice bathrooms.

Too tired for details. Time to sleep and cuddle. Long day tomorrow.

\---

**October 5. 2:30 AM.**

I am a little tipsy. Very tipsy? Maybe drunk. Ooops. Haha.

Went to a bar to celebrate after our last show. Downed a lot of shots, a couple of them off Scott's body. Yummy. GOD HE'S SO SEXY.

We laughed and danced. Drunk Scott was a fun dance partner. So much space around us and yet he danced so close to me. I hope I still remember how his hips grinded against my booty when I wake up tomorrow.

\---

**October 6. 8:00 AM.**

Flying back home. Waiting to board.

Hungover as fuck. I want to sleep.

Good news - I still remember how we danced last night. Yes to sexy memories. 

\---

**October 7. 9:00 AM.**

I'm alive. I've recovered. I've recharged.

Now back to regular programming.

\---

**October 8. 9:30 AM.**

Shower shenanigans may be my new favorite thing. 

If we move to a bigger house someday...  _when we move_  to a bigger house, I want a big, nice bathroom. Like the one you see in posh hotels. 

Going back to the shower thing. I almost forgot to write about Japan.

It was our first night in the hotel. The afternoon weather had been a little humid and I felt icky and gross. We went to dinner in some fancy restaurant and by the time we arrived at the hotel, all I wanted to do was take a shower. So that's exactly what I did.

And it felt great. The water was just the right temperature and it felt glorious to wash away a whole day's worth of dirt. I didn't realize that I had been under the water for more than 30 minutes until Scott came inside the bathroom.

"Melinda, you are taking forever!" He stood outside the shower area, eyeing my naked body through the glass door.

"I've been here like 10 minutes! Go away, Selena," I said.

"Make that 35 minutes. You're wasting water."

"I'm not."

"You are. Wrap it up. It's my turn." He stepped closer until he was at the glass door.

"Give me like 5 more minutes. Ten tops."

Scott left and I continued enjoying the water. But then he came back after like 2 minutes? He swears he gave me 10, but it doesn't really matter anymore.

I might have been too engrossed that I only noticed him when he opened the door to the shower area.

"Time's up," said a naked Scott.

"Nooo. I'll be done in a minute, I promise." I still had soap suds all over my body. For some reason I decided to lather up with body wash a second time.

"Your hands are already wrinkly, Michelle."

They were. "One more minute. I'll just finish rinsing this off."

Scott stepped inside. "That smells nice. What's that?"

"It's something I bought in Singapore. Mint body wash." I picked up the bottle and showed it to him.

He took the bottle from me. "Definitely smells like mint. I wonder if it tastes like mint, too," he said, more to himself.

"It's not meant to be eaten, Sandra." Duh.

"Maybe it's not, but you are." In a split second he was under the shower with me, licking my neck, his hands on my hips. "I think it's more of the smell. Doesn't really taste minty."

"That's because it's not -" I gasped. Scott had chosen a new spot - my nipple. "Oh, god." I held on to his shoulders as he lowered his head.

He flicked his tongue, letting only the tip touch. He used his thumb to mirror the action of his tongue on the other nipple. He did that a couple of times before he started sucking with his lips. 

"Babe..." My fingers were digging into his flesh.

"Mmm, now that's more minty." His lips left my skin only long enough to speak before he continued the sensual assault. He started going lower, trailing tiny kisses on my stomach, down to the belly button, and finally just above my hard length.

I felt his stubble against my cock. I pulled my head back and closed my eyes in anticipation of what was coming (and also because I didn't want the water to get in my eyes).

He took me in slowly, his mouth warming every inch of me. My knees bucked and I pushed on the wall beside me for support, while the other grabbed a fistful of his hair. Scott moved his head back and forth, sucking on my cock as he did. It took a lot of effort on my part to not pull on his head and make him gag. He moved his head back one last time before he wrapped my length in his palm. He held it tight and he started stroking while he gently nibbled on the tip.

I was moaning and calling out his name. I was so close. I was ready to burst but Scott pulled both his mouth and hand away. My eyes flew open and I looked at him.

He slowly stood up, a smirk on his face. "My turn."

I was more than happy to oblige. I motioned for Scott to switch places with me. I grabbed the body wash, poured some on my palms, and started to work. I first did his neck and shoulders, massaging his muscles as I moved. (Have I ever written that I love his shoulders? Because I do. They're so broad and strong.) Then my hands moved to his arms (which I love, too). We didn't turn off the shower so it basically just washed away the lather I was trying to make.

I worked on his chest next, my hands admiring the smoothness of his skin. Then I moved my hands down to his nipples and used my fingers to play with them. I didn't linger, though. I proceeded to his abdomen and worked my way downwards, stopping an inch shy above his length. I knew he was waiting for the contact but I decided to play some more. My hands traveled to his back and settled on his ass. I kneaded each cheek at the same time my mouth captured his nipple and returned his earlier favor.

Scott probably got a little impatient because he put his hands in between us and started stroking us together. I reveled in his touch for a while before I got on my knees and finally took Scott in. Unlike him I didn't do it slowly or take my time. I ate him hungrily, hands and tongue all over. I was thoroughly enjoying myself until Scott told me to stop. He pulled me to a standing position, switched places with me, and asked me to face the wall. 

A wet finger slid inside me as the other hand grabbed my length. He worked simultaneously, stroking me while stretching me. I placed my palms on the wall to hold myself up as I moaned. Scott inserted a second finger followed by a third, and had me silently screaming a series of expletives. 

He swiftly removed his fingers then slowly penetrated me, his hands now on my hips. I bent forward, holding tightly to the shower knob. He moved steadily and allowed me to adjust before he picked up his pace. Several thrusts later Scott was slamming into me. The sound our wet bodies made with every forceful contact was music to my ears.

"Oh, god", "fuck", "shit", "more", "harder", "babe", and "deeper" were just some of the words we yelled.

I started stroking myself but I kept one hand on the knob. Scott grabbed me by the hair, forcing me to tilt my head up while his other hand tightly gripped my hip. (I found it incredibly hot being held like that. Also, I wonder how we looked in that position.) Then he was practically convulsing behind me as he poured himself into me, and it only took a couple more strokes before I came undone.

Scott pulled out and turned me around. He put both hands behind my back and kissed me softly on the lips. "That was fun."

"Mmm-hmm," was all I managed to say. I stepped out of the shower and dried myself up while Scott stayed a couple more minutes and took a proper shower.

I had fallen asleep by the time Scott climbed into bed. I didn't even get to say goodnight.

So... there. That's what happened in Japan.

My journal is transforming into a red book (or is it black book?) with all these sexcapades. God, I hope nobody ever reads the things I've written.


	20. On My Way Home (Part 1)

_" **Only if I could listen."**_

\---

**October 14. 10:30 PM.**

Wake up. Eat. Slay. Werk. Sing. Sleep. Repeat.

I need some rest.

\---

**October 18. 12:00 PM.**

Today is our day off. Scott and I decided that we'd both stay home and just enjoy each other's company.

Pizza's on the way and I've already started with my first bottle of chardonnay. Scott's trying to decide what we're going to watch. 

He just asked me to put this away. Said my writing down things was getting in the way of our "us" time.

\---

**October 20. 10:00 PM.**

We went pumpkin shopping today. Halloween's so near!

\---

**October 22. 7:00 PM.**

I am so proud of myself. Carved an aphex pumpkin and I think it  _slays_.

I don't want to put it beside Scott's, though. He fucking carved a Partition pumpkin. When did he get so good in artsy things?!

\---

**October 23. 10:00 AM.**

Will it be too cheesy if Scott and I wore matching halloween costumes? I mean, we never get a first halloween together, right? 

\---

**October 24. 9:30 PM.**

We got an invite to attend Alex's early birthday celebration. Well I think he only invited me out of courtesy cause he invited Scott. How long has it been since their break-up? Eight months? 

I don't want to go. Scott asked permission if he could. Honestly I don't understand why he would want to go. 

The little green monster inside of me is telling me to say no.

He told me it'd be fine. That he owed Alex. For what?

But I cannot NOT let him go, right? I need to trust him. And I do. Should I let him go alone, though? If I went with him, will that make me look like an insecure and jealous bitch?

I am not making any sense.

\---

**October 25. 10:00 AM.**

When Scott and I were having coffee earlier I told him he should go. I practically pushed him to go. He told me he wouldn't if it would make me uncomfortable.

I said I'd be fine.

I lied.

Of course I lied.

He asked me to come with him. 

I said I made plans to hang out with Kirstie. 

I lied. Again. I will wallow in my self-inflicted misery tomorrow night.

Just the thought of him and Alex being in the same room together is making me insanely jealous. I know he loves me. I KNOW. But I can be very irrational, especially when it comes to Scott.

I could make this all go away by telling him not to go. Or by going with him. However, either option doesn't feel right.

I'm a terrible person. And I hate this day already. Why did I even bring that up over breakfast? It's not even the day of the party!

\---

**October 26. 6:00 PM.**

Scott's preparing for the party. Why does he have to put extra effort into dressing up? And why does he have to smell so good?

Okay, to be honest, Scott usually dresses that way when we're going out.

Ugh. Green is so not a good color on me.

I have tried counting 1 to 100. Now I've resorted to writing. I need another distraction or else I will jump him and he won't be able to leave.

I should start pretend preparing, too. You know, cause I was supposed to go out with Kitty tonight.

\---

**October 26. 8:30 PM.**

Scott waited until after I finished my shower. I was still practically naked except for the towel wrapped around my hips when I walked out of the bathroom. He stood up when he saw me and started walking towards me, stopping when he was literally a few inches away.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" He asked, snaking his arms around my waist.

I put my hands behind the back of his neck. "You know I like to  _come with you_ ," I replied, biting my lip. 

His eyes widened a little. "Is that your way of saying you want me to stay?"

 _Shut up, you little green monster._ "Nope. Go have fun, babe."

"I wish you were going with me." He pulled me closer. "Can't I convince you to come?" He kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Mmmm..."

His lips moved to my jaw.

"Babe... You're going to be late."

He pulled away before letting out a sigh. "Okay. See you later, Mitchie." He gave me one last kiss on the lips.

"Later, babe."

He turned on his heel but I caught him by the arm.

"Not too much fun, okay?"

He smiled.

I let his hand go.

He left.

I chose to dress up in an oversized shirt and shorts. Then I grabbed the ice cream from the fridge and settled on the couch. 

I've been here for the past hour. Going a little crazy, might I add.

\---

**October 26. 10:30 PM.**

Fuck social media. Scott hasn't posted anything but his friends did. 

Why did he have to take a photo with Alex's arms over his shoulder??? To be fair it was a group photo and Alex had his other arm around Ulisses but still.

Plus I saw a snap of Alex doing body shots off Tyler. I swear to god if Scott did that...

Breathe in, breathe out. I HATE MYSELF.

Time for tequila.

\---

**October 27. 2:00 AM.**

I WANNA KILL SCOTT. I WANT TO WAKE HIM UP AND PUNCH HIM AND ASK HIM WTF HAPPENED.

HE WASN'T SOBER ENOUGH TO DRIVE HOME.

HIS FUCKING EX-BOYFRIEND HAD TO BRING HIM HOME. 

I OPEN THE DOOR TO TYLER AND ALEX CARRYING A PRACTICALLY PASSED OUT SCOTT. THEY BROUGHT HIM TO HIS ROOM. BUT BEFORE ALEX LEFT, HE HAD THIS APOLOGETIC LOOK ON HIS FACE AND ALL HE SAID WAS "I'M SORRY, MITCH." I WAS CONFUSED. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO ASK WHAT HE WAS SORRY FOR BECAUSE HE IMMEDIATELY LEFT.

_WHAT. THE. FUCKING. HELL._

AND THEN WHEN I TRIED TO TAKE OFF SCOTT'S CLOTHES HE SAID, "NO, ALEX." I TRIED TELLING HIM IT WAS ME BUT THEN HE SAID, "NO, NO... I WON'T TELL MITCH."

I WANT TO BREAK THINGS. HOLY SHIT.

I KNEW IT. MY GUT TOLD ME NO BUT I DIDN'T LISTEN.


	21. On My Way Home (Part 2)

**_"Where will I run to?"_ **

\---

**October 27. 3:00 AM.**

I've calmed down. A little bit. I have been playing my one-sided conversation with Scott in my head over and over in the past hour.

He said "no, Alex" when I tried taking off his clothes. He thought I was Alex and he said NO. That's good, right? Right?!

But what did he mean when he said he won't tell me? Scott and I don't keep secrets from each other. At least I didn't.

I am going crazy. I hate that Scott is now completely passed out. I tried calling Tyler but he didn't answer. I want to call Kitty but I didn't want to involve her in this. Not yet. Not when I don't know what the fuck happened.

\---

**October 27. 4:10 AM.**

I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I love Scott and I trust him but I am starting to think of the worst.

He wouldn't cheat on me. I know he wouldn't. But if he was very drunk... That's different. It won't be an excuse but I've seen drunk Scott. I've witnessed how slutty he can get under the influence of alcohol. What if Alex took advantage?

No, I shouldn't think this way. Surely there's an explanation?

\---

**October 27. 5:25 AM.**

My head hurts, my eyes are puffy from all the crying, and I hate... I don't know, myself? I hate that I can't help but think of the worst. I hate that I am doubting Scott. AND I FUCKING HATE ALEX.

\---

**October 27. 12:00 PM.**

I don't feel any better. My thoughts aren't any better.

Scott's still sleeping.

\---

**October 27. 5:30 PM.**

I was sulking on the couch, sipping coffee when Scott woke up.

"Pumpkin," he said.

I turned around and saw that he was standing by the door of his room, his body resting against the frame. He was still in last night's clothes, his hair was a mess, and his eyes were closed. His hangover must be terrible. "Yes?" I asked.

"How did I get home?"

"You don't remember,  _PUMPKIN_?" I tried very hard to control myself but the sarcasm in my voice was unmistakable.

"Uhm..." He started walking towards me.

"YOU DON'T REMEMBER THAT YOUR FUCKING EX-BOYFRIEND TOOK YOU HOME?" Obviously, I failed at my attempts for self-control. All the anger from the previous night was trying to resurface.

Scott winced. My voice must have been obnoxiously loud for his hungover ears. He stopped in his tracks. "But Tyler was supposed to bring me home." He looked very confused.

I took a deep breath and tried to bring down my voice. "Ty did, but that bastard apparently wanted to tag along." I turned around and went back to sipping my coffee.

He was silent for a few moments. "You know." He said it matter-of-factly.

I froze. It felt like my heart stopped and I almost dropped my coffee. All the bad scenarios my crazy mind came up with the previous night flashed instantly. I felt nauseated.

"Did Alex tell you?"

"That asshole said he was sorry." I kept my head straight, not wanting to look at Scott.

"Mitch... I..." I heard his footsteps. "I'm sorry... It was -" He was now behind me.

I stood up, spun around, and screamed at his face. "FUCK YOU, SCOTT!" I put down my coffee, grabbed my phone, and made my way towards the door. I needed to get out of the house.

"Mitch, wait!" He tried to run after me. "Let me explain! Let's talk, please!"

I wasn't hearing any of it. I hastily grabbed my keys and bolted out the apartment. I pulled out of the driveway and drove off without a specific destination in mind. He started calling a few minutes after I stormed off. I had the urge to throw my phone out the window but that's a stupid thing to do so I just put it on airplane mode.

That was 3 hours ago. Now I'm at some open parking lot, writing on my phone just to keep myself occupied so that I won't go any crazier. I realized early into my drive that I didn't have my wallet with me but I didn't want to go back. Good thing I had left my license in the car a couple of days ago, or I would have been driving without it, too.

\---

**October 27. 9:00 PM.**

I went to Claudia's. My first instinct was to run to Kirstie, but I realized that Scott would probably first look for me there. The rest of PTX was out of the question, and so was Esther and Jonathan, for similar reasons.

She was surprised to find me at her doorstep. "Hunty! What brings your gorgeous face here?" Her smile was so wide.

"Scott and I fought. I drove away and forgot my wallet. Can I borrow some cash?"

"Oh, honey." Her smile disappeared. She hugged me and motioned for me to get inside. "Wait."

I sat on one of the couches, stretching my legs. Claudia reappeared a minute later with a couple of bills in her hand. "Will this do?" She said, handing me five $100 bills.

I took the cash. "Yes. Thank you. I owe you, sweetie. I'll pay you back soon." I stood up and gave her a quick hug.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She said as she released me.

I shook my head no.

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, check in at a motel, maybe."

"You can stay here. I won't tell Scott."

I shook my head no a second time. "I'm so sorry to be such a crappy friend, barging in like this and then asking for money, but I think I want to be alone tonight."

She didn't push and I love her for that. "If you're sure..."

We walked towards the door. She stayed by the entrance while I made my way to the car.

"Text me, okay?" She called out.

"I will!" I yelled back. I got into my car, went to Chipotle and ate my heart out, and then tried to find for a place to stay.

So now I'm at some motel. I should've thought my decision through because now that I'm alone, my thoughts are probably going to kill me. The TV's not a good distraction. I can't go online, either, since I'm trying to save battery.

Scott must be worried. I should at least text him... no, I'll text Kitty and tell her to tell Scott that I'm fine.

\---

**October 28. 12:20 AM.**

I can't sleep.

I don't know if I'm more angry or sad over what happened.

I also realized I don't exactly know what happened and that's what making it worse. Scott assumed I knew whatever the hell it was he and Alex did and I let him think that I did, when all I knew were crazy versions my mind came up with.

A couple of his messages came through when I texted Kitty earlier. I still haven't read them.

Why was Scott sorry? He must have done something wrong.

I should go home and talk to him. That's the mature thing to do.

But what if he tells me he... cheated on me?

Why couldn't our first fight have been over food or clothes or something more trivial?

And why do I miss him so much?


	22. On My Way Home (Part 3)

_**"In the middle of the night, I've been running, running, running and I'm on my way home."** _

\---

**October 28. 4:00 AM.**

I'm home. My thoughts were eating at me and they were only getting worse with each passing minute in that motel. I also knew that I won't get answers there. 

Scott's car wasn't in the driveway when I arrived. Maybe it's still in the club.

Speaking of Scott, I passed by his room earlier. I was tempted to enter to tell him that I was back, but it was late and he was probably already sleeping. Besides, I didn't know what to say yet. And if he's just going to confirm my worst fears... then I'd rather not hear it at this ungodly hour.

I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.

\---

**October 28. 11:00 AM.**

I woke up a couple of minutes ago. I looked around the apartment and there was no sign of Scott.

Maybe I should check my messages.

\---

**October 28. 12:00 PM.**

I AM CRYING RIGHT NOW. I HAVE MIXED EMOTIONS AND I DON'T... I JUST. GOD. 

Scott's messages:

_**"Mitch, I'M SORRY. Please. Just let me explain. I love you."** _

_**"Come back, please. Let's talk."** _

_**"Where are you? I'm starting to get worried. Babe, come home, please."** _

_**"It was just a kiss, I swear. I don't know what Alex told you but nothing else happened."** _

_**"If you don't want to go home, it's fine. If you don't want to talk, I understand. But I need to know you're okay."** _

_**"Send me a blank message if you're reading any of this."** _

_**"Babe, I'm really, really worried."** _

_**"Are you at KT's? I'm coming over."** _

That was the last of his text messages. I called Kitty and she said that Scott did drop by her place last night. She also said that he looked distraught and was a crying mess. She told me that Scott told him about the kiss (OH MY GOD IT WAS JUST. A. KISS.) and our fight and about how I drove away.

She told me that by the time I sent her a message telling her I was fine, Scott had left her apartment. He told her that he was going to look for me.

I'm still so pissed that he made out with Alex but I FEEL SO RELIEVED. He didn't cheat on me like  _cheat on me._ And I feel like shit for thinking the worst of him. I should've just let him explain and we could've been both spared a full day of emotional stress.

\---

**October 28. 12:30 PM.**

I've been trying to contact Scott for the last 20 minutes and I can't get a hold of him. His phone's dead.

Where is he?

\---

**October 28. 1:15 PM.**

I've called Avi, Kev, Esther, Jonathan. They all said they haven't seen Scott, though Scott tried calling them last night, asking if I was with any of them.

I've also tried Tyler and those who were at the party last night. They said that the last they saw him was when he was leaving the club.

Where could he be?

\---

**October 28. 1:45 PM.**

I knew it was a long shot but there's nothing on Facebook, Twitter, or any other social networking site for that matter. 

I am officially starting to get worried.

\---

**October 28. 3:00 PM.**

I feel like I'm going crazy, waiting for him.

I don't know if I should leave the house and look for him. What if he comes back and I'm not home? I could leave a note...

\---

**October 28. 3:45 PM.**

I didn't leave. I've tried calling everyone again and nothing.

\---

**October 28. 4:30 PM.**

What should I do? I'm scared. It's been what, 20 hours since anyone last saw him?

\---

**October 28. 5:15 PM.**

I'M PANICKING.

\---

**October 28. 6:00 PM.**

Kitty and Esther are here. I hate that Kitty had to say what I didn't want to say out loud earlier.

SCOTT'S MISSING.

Hearing someone else say it is one thing, writing it down with my own hands is another.

Shit. It can't be.

Kitty said she last saw him around 8 PM. So that leaves us 2 more hours of waiting before we can report him missing.

\---

**October 28. 6:30 PM.**

Please let this be some kind of sick joke Scott's playing.

He can't be... I don't want to write it down again. It might come true.

\---

**October 28. 7:30 PM.**

Kev, Avi and Jonathan are now looking for Scott. I wanted to join them but Kitty said I should stay.

I feel iike I can't breathe.

I tried calling Scott's phone again. Still dead.

\---

**October 28. 8:00 PM.**

It's been 24 hours. 

My heart is pounding so hard and it's breaking at the same time. I feel sick to my stomach and I think I'm going to vomit even if I haven't eaten anything. I want to cry but the tears won't come. 

What am I going to do?

\---

**October 28. 8:25 PM.**

Esther just left. She's heading to the station. She's filing a report. 

Scott can't be g... missing. He just can't.


	23. Standing By (Part 1)

_**"I know my heart is strong."** _

\---

**October 28. 8:30 PM.**

Kitty said we should start calling hospitals to ask if Scott came in or was brought in.

I know she has a point and it's the right place to call. It's also what I can do while I'm here at home but I'm not sure my heart can take it.

Shit. Scott's parents.

I have to call them. I don't want them to worry but they have to know what's going on.

\---

**October 28. 9:15 PM.**

I almost broke down when I heard Scott's mom crying. She said they're going to book the earliest flight they could get.

I hate that I had to deliver that news.

I have to stay strong.

It's only been 25 hours.

Maybe Scott checked into a motel like I did and overslept. Maybe he's on his way home right now.

\---

**October 28. 10:30 PM.**

Kitty put her phone on speaker as she tried calling the hospital nearest our apartment. I asked her do it. My hands were already shaking just holding the phone. We were directed to the emergency department. They didn't want to give out details at first because of the confidentiality blah blah. But when the girl (whom I assume was the nurse) heard that we were looking for Scott, she was more than glad to be of help. She wasn't on duty last night but she checked the records. No Scott or Richard or Hoying. No unidentified patients, either.

A part of me feels relieved that he's not there but a bigger part of me is scared. We still don't know where Scott is.

No, he'll be home soon.

\---

**October 28. 11:05 PM.**

Esther's back. Scott's phone can't be tracked since it's dead... No credit card activity. Nothing. 

Now more people are looking for Scott.

We're still thinking if we should let the public know. Post something on Facebook or Twitter or even make a short video but... it doesn't seem like a good idea.

GOD I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW.

All I know is that I want Scott back here. At home. With me. 

\---

**October 28. 11:30 PM.**

Do you know that feeling when you can't find something but you're not really scared because you know it's not truly lost? Like you can't see it in that specific moment but you know it must be somewhere in the house or wherever? Just that confident feeling that it's there... it's safe... you can't see it but it's not lost.

I DON'T HAVE THAT.

I feel like my heart is going to explode any moment now because it's been beating so damn fast and hard in the last couple of hours. My lungs are refusing air and my throat is tight, my stomach is in knots and I...

I can't do this.

I can't lose Scott. 

\---

**October 29. 12:15 AM.**

KT has called 8 other hospitals. My heart rejoiced and sank with each call whenever they said that there was no Scott Richard Hoying or any unidentified patient with the description she gave.

What if he's hurt and he's out there... alone?

\---

**October 29. 1:00 AM.**

Esther suggested that we should try calling funeral homes.

I hate her for saying that. How could she think that???

I refuse to do that. We won't find Scott there. 

WE CAN'T. WE WON'T.

\---

**October 29. 1:40 AM.**

I've been trying to pray but now all I could do is cry.

They say tears are the best prayer, right?

So if there is some higher being out there, please.

Bring him back to me. In one piece.

\---

**October 29. 2:00 AM.**

Bring him back to me. In one piece. ALIVE.

\---

**October 29. 2:30 AM.**

If Scott doesn't want to be found he is doing a damn good job at it.

\---

**October 29. 3:15 AM.**

Kitty and Esther offered to stay. We all look like hell. I can see the way they're looking at me and it's a mixture of fear and sadness and... pity.

What if something bad really happened to him?

I can't lose him now. We just fucking started. There's so much more we want to do... so much more we can become. We still have a lot of places we need to go.

And we're supposed to grow old together.

That's what he said when we made the deal. He wanted the  _grow-old-together kind of love._

He can't leave me.

\----

**October 29. 3:55 AM.**

You know one of the things that is eating me alive?

What I last said to Scott.

"FUCK YOU, SCOTT."

That's what I told him.

I didn't mean that. I was angry.

Those can't be my last words to him.


	24. Standing By (Part 2)

_**"In your soul I'm standing by."** _

\---

**October 29. 7:00 AM.**

Somehow I fell asleep.

My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My back hurts cause I fell asleep in an awkward position on the couch.

What am I even saying? Scott could be hurt and I am ranting about my stupid head.

When I woke up, for a second I thought everything that happened in the last 2 days was just a dream.

But when realization hit me that it was not, it felt as if a brand new knife tore through my heart.

I need to hear some good news.

\---

**October 29. 8:30 AM.**

Esther came back with Starbucks for all of us and I BROKE DOWN when she handed me my cup.

One moment I was looking at the sleeve and the next thing I knew I was crying like a lunatic, holding the sleeve in my hand and repeating "there's no message".

She apologized for being insensitive. Of course I knew it wasn't her fault. She only gave me coffee for fuck's sake.

I think I will go crazy if we don't find Scott soon.

\---

**October 29. 9:45 AM.**

I want to go out and help the boys look for Scott but Kitty says I should stay home so that if Scott...  _when_ Scott comes back, I'd be here.

In my current state I might not be of any help anyway.

\---

**October 29. 10:20 AM.**

Kitty has gone back to calling hospitals. She's trying the same ones she called yesterday and a few new others. The farther ones.

I'm torn between staying near her to listen to her making the calls and hiding in my room. I hold my breath with every call. I feel slightly relieved when they tell her Scott's not in their hospital but at the same time scared.

Esther tried to be discreet but I know she started contacting funeral homes.

I hate her for doing that. Why are we even looking there?

\---

**October 29. 11:00 AM.**

If there is some higher being out there, please... I beg you.

Please let Scott be okay.

What do I have to do for him to be okay? Go to church? Help the poor? Adopt orphans? Adopt animals? Give more to charity? I'll do everything. Just please, please... I can't live without him.

\---

**October 29. 12:05 PM.**

Scott's parents will be arriving soon. The boys will pick them up from the airport. 

I really, really wish we have some good news by the time they get here.

\---

**October 29. 1:00 PM.**

It can't be. Please, God, NO. IT CAN'T BE.

I want to scream but I can't find my voice.

I want to cry but I think even my tear ducts are shocked.

Everything hurts. Everything's numb.

Not everything. My heart... I can feel it shattering to a million pieces.

I can't breathe.

Oh my god this can't be happening.

I haven't told him how much I loved him.

We're supposed to grow old together.

We're supposed to grow old. Period. He's too young.

I don't think I can stand.

Kitty must be joking. But her face...

There's a John Doe. Patient X. Three cities away. Came in the other day... or night. I don't know. Badly bruised up face and body. No phone, no wallet, no ID. Found on the side of the road, brought in by paramedics. Resuscitated in the ER. Survived a few hours but eventually died. Currently in the morgue.

There's no ID but the description matches Scott.

They said we need to go there to identify the body. 

What if it's him?

Oh my god.

I know I said I want to find him but not that way.

OH MY GOD.

IT CAN'T BE SCOTT. 

HE CAN'T BE DEAD.

I'D DIE WITHOUT HIM.

OH MY GOD, PLEASE, LORD.

How can I even go there?

I can't breathe.

Someone please MAKE THE PAIN STOP.

I DON'T... I CAN'T...

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

I love him so, so much. 

My Scott...


	25. Standing By (Part 3)

_**"But when we unite this will all have been a dream."** _

_\---_

**December 1. 9:00 PM.**

Nothing could have prepared me for that day. I no longer remember the things that happened or how exactly they happened, but I am reliving the pain each and every single day as if it was brand new. And it's killing me.

The ride to the hospital felt like the longest trip I've ever taken in my life. In one car was Kevin and Scott's parent's. We were in another. Avi was driving and Esther was seated opposite her. I was in the back seat with KT. She held my hand the entire time. For the first hour none of us said anything. There was even no music playing. The silence was deafening. I'm not a religious person but at that moment I prayed so hard for Scott to be okay. Scratch that, I just wanted him alive. I knew it was bad but I hoped it was someone else in that morgue, maybe someone without a family. Or someone who was already sick and was dying anyway. Or a criminal. I didn't care who it was. All I wanted was for that body not to belong to Scott.

Our collective strength only lasted an hour. By the second hour we were all a crying mess except for Avi. KT started it. I heard her sniffing. I refused to look at her because I know the tears were starting to flow. Then she started shaking. Then she broke down. I swear to god I tried to be brave but every fiber in my being was scared and seeing KT was the last thread. So I broke down and started crying. Esther followed. By the time we got to the hospital my head was pounding, my vision was blurry, my lips were numb and my top was wet from all the tears.

We were given directions to the morgue. I felt like my knees were going to give in and my feet were paralyzed. A part of me wanted to run ahead of everyone and show all of them that it wasn't Scott in there, but another part of me wanted to turn back and run away from what might be the truth.

Oh god, I need to breathe. My eyes are again hot with tears. I hate it. When will I ever stop crying?

_Breathe in, breathe out. Write, Mitch. Try to finish it this time._

So we got to the morgue. Somebody greeted us at the door. Esther talked to him and explained why were were there. He nodded and motioned for us to follow him. Then he stopped before a body covered in cloth. 

I wanted to scream for him to stop, to wait, because I needed a few moments to collect myself. But without asking he lifted off the top and showed us the head.

At that moment I felt the world stop. My brain stopped. My heart stopped. Every cell in my body stopped. It was as if somebody pounded my chest or punched my gut. Air refused to move through my lungs and I felt like I was choking.

It was Scott. The body was Scott's. MY SCOTT.

His face was badly bruised but I knew it was him. And he was lying there, lifeless.

I took a step closer and reached out my hand. I felt my skin burn when it made contact with his cold face.

Then I heard shouting - no, wailing - from Scott's mom shortly before she lost consciousness. Kitty started screaming, too, and the rest followed.

I stood there. Looking at him, holding his face. I was trying so hard to process that fact that the body before me belonged to Scott. That Scott was dead.

I don't know how long I stayed in the position. But then I leaned down and hugged him, and I came in contact with more cold skin. I guess that's when it hit me that it was actually Scott. I was holding Scott. Lifeless Scott. And I lost it.

I wailed, I screamed, I tried to hold him tighter. His body was so cold and hard. I managed to lift his upper body off the table but his arms fell to his sides. My Scott didn't hug me back and it broke me even more. I rocked with him in my arms, crying. I remember telling him to wake up. To please not be dead.

Then I kept whispering to him that I was sorry. That I didn't mean to leave. And that I loved him. That I loved him so, so much.

I put him back down and I reached for his hand. It was cold like the rest of his body. For a few seconds I waited for him to entwine his fingers in mine. But he didn't. Of course he didn't.

Then I tried to kiss him. Didn't true love's kiss always work in movies? But my Scott, he didn't wake up. 

I think I dropped to my knees on the ground after that, and I just cried. But I didn't let go of Scott's hand.

I don't know how long we stayed there, or how long I cried. I don't even know who was thinking straight enough to have fixed the papers. I guess we were there for a few hours before we were finally able to leave with his body.

The days that followed were a blur. We had a 2-day wake for Scott in LA before we had his body cremated. Then we all flew to Texas with his urn and had the memorial there.

They asked me to give a eulogy. I tried to make one, but I never got past a couple of sentences.

What were they expecting me to say? More importantly, how in the world could they expect me to bid goodbye? They lost a son, a brother, a friend. But what about me? I lost my BEST FRIEND. I lost the ONE PERSON I TRULY EVER LOVED. I lost my SOULMATE. I lost my HEART because Scott took it with him. I lost the REST OF MY LIFE.

I wish Scott took all of me with him. That way I wouldn't have to feel all this pain.

Today is the start of what was supposed to be the most festive and happiest month of the year. I don't know how I'll survive.

I've been sleeping in Scott's bed. The pillows and sheets still smell like him. The scent is fading but it's there. My tears must have washed away some of it because I've been crying myself to sleep at night.

When I wake up every morning, for a moment I forget all that has happened. But reality is cruel, and the truth instantly comes crashing down on me every single time. Then I remember that I am alone, and that Scott is no longer with me.

The process of trying to stay alive begins. The excruciating pain assaults every inch of my body, but it always focuses of my heart. I don't know how many more times it can break because right now, it's shattered into a million pieces and I can never put it back. I feel like I also have to fight to breathe. It's painful being alive when your spirit is crushed and you feel dead inside. Does that even make sense?

Everywhere I look in the apartment, I am reminded of all the memories that we shared. I want to say I see him everywhere, but the sad truth is I don't. They suggested that I move out, at least temporarily, while I  _heal._ I know that they're only looking out for me, but I don't think they understand.

I will never be okay.

\---

**December 24. 10:00 AM.**

They say time heals all wounds. It's only been a little over 7 weeks but that should've been enough time, right? For at least a part of the wound to heal?

I think they're wrong. Because I feel as raw, hurt, and broken as the day Scott died. I haven't healed at all.

It's unfair. Scott and I barely shared anything together as a couple. We didn't even get to spend halloween. Now it's Christmas eve and I am alone. I'm already having my first one without him when I never even got to spend one "with him". And it sucks. We deserved to spend this occasion together. We deserved a few more years.

Scott didn't deserve to die and I didn't deserve to be left behind.

They keep telling me that I now have an angel watching over me. People who tell me that could go to hell. I don't need an angel. I need Scott.

God. I hate this. I hate everything. 

Probably the one thing I hate the most is the fact that I never had the chance to tell Scott how much he truly meant to me. He died thinking I hated him. I told him "fuck you". Those were my last words to him, words that I don't even mean. I will regret that every single day for as long as I live.

I would kill for a chance to tell him that I loved him.

 _I love him_. Not loved. Love. Present tense.

I just know in my heart that there will never come a time when I will stop loving Scott.

 

***  **THE END *****


	26. Bonus A: Show You How To Love

_**"This girl's got me falling in love and out of my mind."** _

*****

**Feb 14. 10:00 PM.**

Trying out this whole writing thing, at least on my phone. Honestly I would rather to talk to Mitch but he's busy playing tonsil hockey with Travis in the living room. Are they back together?! I hope not. Mitch should know better.

Alex and I broke up. Mitch is one of the reasons why. I didn't mean to but I actually told Alex that I couldn't just leave Mitch. When he asked why, I gave him all sorts of lame reasons. He saw through me. He knew I was lying. He asked me to choose. TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HIM AND MITCH.

So now we're broken up. I love him but he asked me to choose. Why would he do that? And what do I tell Mitch?

I hope the whisky bottle holds the answers to my questions.

*****

**Feb 15. 2:00 PM.**

I am hungover as hell. And heartbroken. At this point, though, my head hurts more than my heart.

Does Mitch remember last night? I don't remember much but I know we played spin the bottle. I did push-ups. Mitch wore my pajamas.

Shit. I kissed Mitch. Does he remember?? What the fuck was I thinking.

*****

**Feb 16. 12:20 AM.**

I finally told Mitch that Alex and I broke up. I told him I'd share the details next time. But he doesn't have to know everything.

If he remembers the kiss, he didn't bring it up at all. We just watched Spongebob and ate ice cream.

Fuck. I kissed Mitch. I KISSED MITCH. And he doesn't seem to remember. Maybe that's a good thing?

*****

**Feb 16. 10:05 AM.**

I need to get out. Think.

Of all the things I could remember about the other night, why did I have to remember the kiss? It is driving me crazy. I mean, it was just a kiss. It's not like we haven't kissed before.

*****

**Mar 1. 9:00 AM.**

I should be heartbroken because I just broke up with my boyfriend. But I'm not.

I shouldn't be thinking about Mitch so much. But I am.

This is bad.

*****

**Mar 20. 11:00 PM.**

We're on tour. We've got a long day tomorrow but here I am, watching Mitch sleep. He's so adorable when he sleeps.

I have this urge to crawl next to him.

Fuck he just said my name. I checked, he's sleeping. So he's dreaming of me?

*****

**Mar 30. 11:35 PM.**

I feel the need to be with Mitch all the time. I'm surprised he hasn't pushed me away.

Maybe I just miss Alex. 

*****

**Mar 31. 7:00 AM.**

Thought about it. I want to be with Mitch because.... I want to be with him.

What is happening to me? I might be going crazy.

All I know is that I love seeing his smile when he wakes up and finds that I already have bought coffee for him. And I love the fact that I get to see his face first thing in the morning because we're on tour and we share a room.

*****

**Apr 2. 9:00 PM.**

We're home.

The thought of not sleeping close to Mitch depresses me.

*****

**Apr 3. 10:00 PM.**

I missed waking up to Mitch's sleeping face. I thought about going to his room to look at him but if he woke up and saw me, that would've been creepy.

*****

**Apr 11. 11:10 PM.**

I'm stupid for not having thought of this before.

I'm falling for Mitch. That must be it. Because how else could I explain everything else I'm feeling?

*****

**Apr 12. 10:40 PM.**

I can't be falling for Mitch. Not again.

*****

**Apr 14. 1:00 AM.**

Fuck. I think I'm really falling for my best friend. How cliche is that??? But I can't do anything about it. At least not yet. I need to make sure.

*****

**Apr 23. 11:25 PM.**

I'm selfish. I'm experimenting and it's not right but I need to know how I really feel about Mitch. So far I've managed to continue with the coffee runs. It's been HARD! But like I said, the smile on his face is priceless.

There were nights I could've been out partying with friends but I chose to say home with him. I was waiting for the feeling of boredom to come. Or irritation. Or anything negative, really, about being with Mitch all the time. So far it hasn't come. I have enjoyed every second I spent with him.

This means I am definitely falling in love with him.

I don't know what to do.

*****

**Apr 30. 9:55 PM.**

It's either Mitch is really dense or he has noticed everything I've been doing but he refuses to acknowledge it.

If it's the former, then I should do more. But I know Mitch. He's perceptive. He's a thinker.

But what if it's the latter? What if he already knows I have feelings for him but he doesn't feel the same way so he's choosing to ignore the things I'm doing?

*****

**May 12. 2:00 PM.**

Mitch is out. I am alone in the apartment.

I am alone in his room. I don't even have a good explanation for why I am here.

I can see his diary on the bedside table and I am very much tempted to read it. There's a pen in between the pages. He must've been writing recently.

I feel like his diary is calling out to me. 

What if the answers I need are there?


	27. Bonus B: I Need Your Love

**_"Tell me, do you feel the same? Hold me in your arms again."_   
**

*****

**May 12. 11:00 PM.**

I couldn't bring myself to do it. I got out of his room and left his diary alone. Besides, Mitch would  _hate_ me if he found out. 

*****

**May 14. 11:55 PM.**

I want to tell Mitch. I should tell him. I can't keep what I'm doing right now and not tell him. That would be unfair.

But what if he doesn't feel the same way?

I broke his heart once. I was afraid. I regretted that decision a lot before. Made me feel less guilty when he eventually found Travis. But Travis also broke his heart.

If Mitch breaks my heart now, I guess I deserve it.

*****

**May 15. 10:20 PM.**

I screwed up. Big time. I meant to tell Mitch about how I felt for him but I chickened out the last minute. The moment was already there. He was all ears. All I had to do was tell him. But I failed.

My mind raced and the first thing that I came up with was a deal. The  _when-we're-thirty_ deal. Honestly I forgot that it was supposed to be 40. I only realized my mistake when Mitch pointed it out. How stupid am I?

But at least he said yes. I hope he means it.

Fuck. I have to wait 9 more years. I don't even want to imagine how many boys I will have to ward off Mitch in that time but I will do that. It's selfish but I will do that.

*****

**Jun 12. 9:45 PM.**

I'm starting to obsess over Mitch's social accounts. Several times I was tempted to steal his phone and look at his private conversations on Twitter. Or check his Tinder. I didn't, but I really wanted to.

I know I have no right to be jealous but man, that brunette is making me crazy.

*****

**Jul 3. 11:20 PM.**

It's Mitch's birthday month. I have to go big this year. What should I do for this birthday?

*****

**Jul 10. 9:10 PM.**

Lauren's an angel. I told her about my plan and she agreed to help me with the video messages for Mitch. She said Lindsay's helping, too. I'm so lucky they're my sisters.

*****

**Jul 17. 11:05 PM.**

I haven't planned anything this big or this much for Mitch that it's making me antsy. He's been trying to sniff out my surprise and I have to stop myself from spoiling everything.

*****

**Jul 18. 10:35 PM.**

YAS. MITCH WOULD BE SO HAPPY!!! I had to pull some strings and exchange some favors but I finally got my hands on tickets for Sophie's concert. VIP, baby! I can't wait to give them to Mitch. Oh, he would be so excited!

*****

**Jul 22. 1:00 AM.**

I just finished editing the video. I'm so tired but I can't wait for him to see it!

*****

**Jul 22. 11:05 PM.**

Crybaby Mitch is my kind of Mitch. He saw the video and I know he desperately tried not to cry. But when it was his parents' turn to give a message, the tears wouldn't stop. I took a video of him watching it. It's priceless.

*****

**Jul 23. 9:55 PM.**

For a brief moment earlier I honestly thought he would kiss me.

I told him about my second gift over dinner - the VIP tickets for Sophie's concert. I think he was too shocked when I told him and he wouldn't believe me at first. But when I showed him the tickets and he realized I wasn't kidding, he practically leaped out of his seat and started jumping like a little child. His reaction alone is already worth all the hassle for those tickets. He kept on thanking me then he hugged me really tight. I hugged him back (tighter than necessary and a little longer than I should have). When he pulled back he looked at me, and I swear it felt like we were in the movies. You know, that moment when the leads would lock gazes and everything would slow down and then they'd kiss. I was about to lean in but Mitch spoke up and thanked me again, and then gave me a smack on the cheeks. If he started speaking a second later I would have made a big fool of myself. It would have been embarrassing. 

A part of me wishes that I turned my cheek so he could've kissed my lips. 

I miss kissing Mitch. It's been what, like 7 years? I've never forgotten how his lips felt against mine and now more than ever, I want to taste them again.

*****

**Jul 24. 12:10 AM.**

I just left Mitch's room. I greeted him briefly. I was afraid I was going to say something stupid so I left after giving him a quick hug.

*****

**Jul 24. 2:15 AM.**

I can't sleep. I keep thinking about earlier and how I wish he actually kissed me and... fuck. Is this how it's going to be? Me getting crazy over every kiss? 

*****

**Jul 24. 3:30 AM.**

I'll do it. I'll tell him. Today. TODAY. 

You can do it, Scott. You can do it. Just do it. Tell Mitch.

He is making me crazy.

*****

**Jul 24. 9:40 AM.**

I'm too scared. I can't tell him in person. But I want to tell him. What if I put it on a coffee cup sleeve? Or cake? How will I even buy one? I'll be with Mitch the whole day!

*****

**Jul 24. 2:30 PM.**

KT is a lifesaver. She'll buy the coffee AND cake. She asked why it said **"Happy 30th Birthday, Mitch"** when he was only turning 22 and I told her it was some lame inside joke which Mitch will find funny.

I hope he doesn't find it funny. I hope he realizes I'm being serious.

This cake thing is starting to sound like a bad idea.

*****

**Jul 24. 8:00 PM.**

My nerves are killing me. Mitch seems to be enjoying his day, though. Which is good, cause it's his birthday. I don't think he noticed that I've barely eaten dinner. I'm so scared to go home. This is now or never.

*****

**Jul 25. 12:03 AM.**

Why isn't he over here yet? I'm pretty sure he's seen the cake and the message.

*****

**Jul 25. 1:00 AM.**

I haven't heard from him. He doesn't feel the same. Shit.

Mitch doesn't love me.

My breakup with Alex does not compare to the pain I'm feeling right now. It feels like my heart is being ripped to a million pieces.

*****

**Jul 25. 1:55 AM.**

I may have cried my eyes out. My head hurts like hell. I wish I could sleep. But every time my heart beats it breaks at the same time.

He's not here. He doesn't love me back.

*****

**Jul 25. 2:10 AM.**

He was just outside my door. I heard his footsteps. He was going to go in here but he didn't knock.

I shouldn't have told him how I felt.

I'm staying by the door, just in case he comes back.

*****

**Jul 25. 3:15 AM.**

What if he hates me? It's one thing if Mitch doesn't feel the same but what if he hates me for what I've done?

I ruined our friendship.

How can I even go back? I definitely did not think this through. I should never have listened to my heart.

*****

**Jul 25. 4:25 AM.**

Mitch is still awake. I heard a loud crash from his room. I would've gone in but he didn't yell for help or anything. God, I made a terrible mistake.

*****

**Jul 25. 4:58 AM.**

Mitch just sent me a message asking me how old I was. I don't want to assume but shit, is it what I think it is? What do I even tell him? 

*****

**Jul 25. 5:03 AM.**

I replied and told him I was turning 31 this year. I hope we are on the same page.

Please don't let me be assuming things.

*****

**Jul 25. 10:00 AM.**

I AM THE HAPPIEST MAN ALIVE. There's so much to tell but the point is Mitch loves me back. HE LOVES ME BACK!!!

Waking up next to him this morning was one of the best things ever.

I'm just waiting for him to wake up. He looks beautiful, sleeping like an angel.

I hope he loves my coffee cup sleeve message for him.

GODDAMMIT HE LOVES ME BACK. GOOD MORNING TO ME!


	28. Bonus C: Love You Long Time

**_"Ain't no other man that's gonna take my spot. And I, I'm so happy you're mine cause I'ma love you a long time."_ **

*****

**Jul 25. 2:10 PM.**

Mitch gave me a chance even if I broke his heart before. I still can't believe it. He loves me.

And those lips... they haven't changed. I can't wait to kiss him over and over and over.

*****

**Jul 26. 8:55 AM.**

Yesterday was a whirlwind from the almost breakdown I had when I thought Mitch didn't love me back, to our fun dinner, to "the talk", and finally when we got to bed. It feels surreal. If I am dreaming I don't ever want to wake up.

Kissing Mitch is my new favorite thing. I kissed him  _ a lot _ last night and I kind of forgot I was cooking and the food burned but whatever. Then we were in bed and right before going to sleep I had the chance to taste his lips again. They're sweet. I'm obsessed.

So "the talk". At one point I was scared that he was going to take it back and tell me he changed his mind. Thank god he did not. I get it, he's afraid. I should blame myself for that. When we first dated I was the one who convinced him to try and 3 weeks later I was telling him we should just be friends. It was an asshole move, and even though we barely talked about it since, I knew that I broke his heart. What I did broke my heart, too, but I was more scared of losing Mitch if I screwed things up. Just... aaahhh. It's in the past. I'm lucky we got through that. Now I have a second chance with him, and I sure as hell won't let him go this time. 

*****

**Jul 31. 10:05 PM.**

The past week has been absolutely amazing. I never thought I could be this happy.

Mitch requested that we don't tell anyone, at least not yet. If it were up to me I would proudly tell the whole world that he's mine. I can't believe I really can call him MINE.

*****

**Aug 1. 10:40 PM.**

I have a new favorite thing to do. I still love kissing Mitch but boy, do I enjoy making him blush. It's taking a lot of restraint on my end not to barge into his room and kiss him senseless and do more... inappropriate things to him. I would, in time. But for now I want him to want me like I do him. I  _ need  _ him to want me desperately.

I wish I could've taken a photo when he got all red earlier at lunch in Kevin and Avi's apartment. It's so much fun playing with him and teasing him.

*****

**Aug 10. 9:25 AM.**

We've flirted with and teased each other back and forth a lot in the last couple of days. We've also kissed and cuddled and yet we haven't done the deed. Is Mitch just waiting for me to make the first move? I'm afraid he might not be ready and I don't want to push. I don't want to screw this up. I don't think I'll get a third chance if things go badly.

*****

**Aug 15. 9:45 PM.**

Two can play at this game Mitch is trying to play. Now I know that he is trying to mess with me and tease me. When he asked me to put lotion on his back last night, I already knew he was up to something. I played along. Watching him shiver as I traced his spine with my tongue was so hot. But I didn't expect him to see him naked. His back was turned to me but fuck... that little brunette has a gorgeous body. And I knew he knew how aroused I was after. He kept pushing his ass to my crotch that it almost made it impossible to sleep. 

Now that I know that he also wants it (if last night was any indication), I need to make sure our first time is special. He's not just some new boyfriend - he's Mitch, and he's the love of my life. I want the both of us to remember our first time for the rest of our lives.

*****

**Aug 26. 10:00 AM.**

I didn't exactly plan last night but we finally did it. I have no words to describe it other than the fact that it was the BEST. SEX. OF. MY. LIFE. I don't even want to know where or how Mitch learned to do all that but he sure knows how to please a man.

My lips still feel tingly. Are they supposed to feel this way? The skin on my shoulder and back also feel a little sore. I'm not surprised, though. Last night Mitch held me like he was holding on for dear life.

But nevermind my lips and skin. Just thinking about how good it feels to be inside Mitch - inside his mouth and inside his ass... it's making me want to do some very naughty things this early in the morning.

Hold that last thought. Maybe a second round right now will not be a good idea. I just saw Mitch and he's walking a little funny. Ha. Now with every step he takes he will be reminded that he is mine.


	29. Bonus D: Love Again

**_"I don't mean to point the blame but baby, you have hurt me to my very core."_ **

*****

**Sept 1. 12:00 PM.**

I woke up to a sweet message from Mitch, written on a coffee cup sleeve.

I am so lucky to have him. I love him so much!

*****

**Sept 4. 9:35 AM.**

I never doubted for one second that they would support us but it's great to know that both our parents are approve of our relationship.

By the way, Mitch called me babe last night and I swear to god it's one of the sexiest things to ever come out of his mouth. I love how he says it and the fact that I'm the one he's calling babe. 

*****

**Sept 4. 11:40 PM.**

We told the rest of PTX today, including Esther and Jonathan. I kind of expected for them not to believe us and for Jonathan to have his doubts. I'm just glad they know and I don't have to hide what I feel for Mitch. Now I can also kiss him freely even when they're around. But that was some stunt I pulled earlier ha. I didn't see Kevin and Avi's bet coming, though. Those two are crazy!

*****

**Sept 15. 3:30 PM.**

I was sick the last the few days and honestly it surprised me that Mitch stepped up and took really good care of me. I guess I was just used to taking care of him and not the other way around. It felt different - the good kind of different. Makes me want to get sick again. Haha.

*****

**Sept 16. 9:25 AM.**

He was already sneezing yesterday and now my baby is sick. It's my fault. I shouldn't have kissed him a lot when I was sick!

*****

**Sept 16. 6:00 PM.**

I really don't want to leave Mitch especially now that he's sick but Lauren's in LA. We're having dinner later. I've missed her! I wish Mitch could come with us.

*****

**Sept 17. 2:00 AM.**

Happy 23rd birthday to me!

Mitch is sleeping beside me. I love watching him sleep. My poor baby, though, he's been sick.

I could wish for more success for PTX or Superfruit or to be BFFs with Beyonce but seriously, all I need is the man sleeping beside me. I already have the perfect gift. <3

*****

**Sept 18. 8:55 PM.**

Yesterday was.... intense. Mitch is so bad! I got genuinely scared with the fake fainting he pulled. The hospital trip was a little over the top but Mitch is Mitch. Such a drama queen. It was good to see our friends, though. The McDonalds party was fun! We played kiddie games and I danced with the mascot and had loot bags.

His other surprise, on the other hand, was 100 kinds of sweet. I don't know what I did to deserve the kind of love he is giving me but all I know is that now, more than ever, I am head over heels in love with Mitch and he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

And I almost forgot. Beyonce on vinyl and a vinyl record player. Wow.

*****

**Sept 25. 7:50 PM.**

We're leaving for our Asian tour tomorrow! Korea, Singapore, and Japan, here I come!!!

I'm excited to share a hotel room with Mitch. I mean we practically share a bed almost every night but it's out first time on tour as a couple. Maybe I should tell Esther to get us a king-sized bed instead of two queens. Hmmm. I hope the bathrooms are nice. I know Mitch has a thing for them. Oh the things we could do! *evil laugh*

*****

**Oct 8. 10:40 PM.**

It feels so good to be home! Asia was fun and amazing and I had a blast performing but I missed our house and my bed and sleep. I miss sleep.

  1. Thank god for that super nice bathroom in Japan. I will never forget the memories Mitch and I made there.



*****

**Oct 22. 11:00 PM.**

I CARVED A PARTITION PUMPKIN and I am so proud of the outcome!

*****

**Oct 24. 11:40 PM.**

Alex texted me today. We haven't talked since the breakup but he invited me to his advanced birthday party. He said he'd appreciate it if I could go for old times' sake and that I should bring Mitch. When I told Mitch earlier he didn't seem too happy about it. To be honest I kind of miss Alex. It wasn't his fault I chose Mitch over him. Maybe I should at least drop by the party.

*****

**Oct 25. 4:05 PM.**

Mitch told me earlier that I should go. I could tell he wasn't sincere. Is he jealous? I hope he realizes there's nothing to be jealous about.

*****

**Oct 25. 10:35 PM.**

Just confirmed my attendance to Alex's party. I said I had a plus one. Hopefully Mitch will change his mind and go with me tomorrow.

*****

**Oct 26. 3:10 PM.**

I'm having second thoughts about going. Mitch still doesn't want to go with me. It's cute, though, how he's trying not to appear jealous when he obviously is.

*****

**Oct 26. 7:20 PM.**

On my way to the party. I'm actually excited! I haven't seen the guys in a while. 

*****

**Oct 27. 3:00 PM.**

I SCREWED UP. I FUCKING SCREWED UP.

Mitch left. He didn't even listen to me. I can't blame him, honestly.

Fuck. It's my fault. I screwed up. 

His phone's dead.

*****

**Oct 27. 5:00 PM.**

I've called Alex and Tyler. They told me what happened last night when they brought me home.

Why the hell was Alex even with us?! He should have just left me and Ty alone.

God... Mitch. I need to talk to him. He needs to know I'm sorry.

I had my chance and I fucking screwed it up. Again. 

I hate myself. I'm so stupid.

*****

**Oct 27. 6:00 PM.**

I'm going out of my mind here. I know he doesn't want to talk and he doesn't want to be found but shit, I need to know he's okay.

I'm itching to leave and look for him. Dammit. But what if he goes home and I'm not here?

*****

**Oct 27. 7:30 PM.**

I can't do this. I need to find him.

He has to know that it didn't mean anything! It was just a kiss for crying out loud. And I was drunk.

How could I have been so stupid? I'm never drinking again. 

I hate myself. He gave me a second chance and I hurt him. Again.

Twice in this lifetime I have hurt the man I love the most.

**Author's Note:**

> All of my works can also be found on Wattpad.  
> Come find me - Twitter/Tumblr/Instagram/Snapchat/Wattpad: evekatalbas


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